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Unsolicited advice and painful comments must always be avoided. But people generally do not mean to hurt the single person; they simply don’t realize that their actions might be causing pain.

Being experienced in the issue of shadchanus, I know the overwhelming nature of a shadchans responsibilities. Thus, to those seeking a shidduch for their children or themselves: please be gracious to the shadchan. How? By sending a gift or expressing hakaras hatov in some way as an appreciation for his or her efforts.

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As for approaching singles after davening or at a simcha, that is an individual preference. Some singles may feel overwhelmed or harassed if approached in either of these scenarios, while others may feel special and flattered. The best thing an aspiring matchmaker could do in this instance is to ask the single if that time is opportune to discuss the issue or would it be better to have the discussion at a quieter time. This method takes any possible pressure off the single.

It is my hope that all singles and shadchanim emulate your sensitivity in this realm. Hatzlachah!


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Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating and family counseling. Dr. Respler also deals with problems relating to marital intimacy. Letters may be emailed to [email protected]. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete pychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at www.jewishpress.com and archives of Dr. Respler’s radio shows can be found at www.dryaelrespler.com.