Dear Dating Coach,
I have the chance to take a trip this summer with some of my single friends. I work as a teacher and have the summer free. While I usually tutor and work during my break, I decided to treat myself to this trip. I will be away for almost a month and I was really looking forward to getting away. My family thinks I am making a mistake. They believe that I should stay local in case a good dating opportunity comes up for me. They are sure that I will lose out by going away and I am being selfish and irresponsible. Should I cancel?
Tripped Up
Dear Tripped,
At least once a week I go to the same parking garage. It has seven floors. Every week, I optimistically (foolishly) believe that I will find a spot on a low floor. Every week, I park on the seventh floor. It’s a long way up and a long way down. Last week, (miraculously!), I found a spot on the third floor. It was an amazing spot as well. My car fit without worry, I was able to open my doors on both sides all the way, and my car was almost level, instead of completely tilted to the left like it usually is. I wanted to move in and stay forever. That spot was mine and I wanted to keep it. I looked for a sign, a plaque, or a post-it to stick on the wall with my name for posterity, but there were none to be found. Not to be deterred, I left my car there and walked the 20 miles back. (Ok, you’re right, that doesn’t sound like me. I drove and have once again been pathetically “upgraded” to the seventh floor.) But I am positive, that even though I come and go, the other cars have all moved in to stay; indefinitely parked.
Short-Term Parking
Thank you for your letter! It sounds like you had an exciting summer planned that others are determined to derail. They believe that if a dating opportunity comes up either right before or during your trip, it would be unrealistic to expect them to wait for your return. Instead, they will move on to their next prospect. This is definitely correct. A potential date will not wait for you and you will likely lose the opportunity to date them (at least at this time). So, will you lose out on a dating opportunity by traveling? Very possibly.
Long-Term Parking
That being said, you should definitely go on your trip. Yes, it is true that we must devote a huge amount of our time and energy to dating. Yes, we need to make dating a priority and be willing to accommodate the opportunities that come our way. Still, you are not ONLY someone who is dating. You are a whole person who MUST have a life outside of “waiting to get married.” Even more so, the fuller that your life is, the more attractive you will be to prospective dates. There is a great value to nurturing yourself and your growth while you are dating. Traveling, meeting new people and seeing new places, enhances who you are. Taking the time for self-care by gifting yourself with a trip will allow you to feel renewed and rejuvenated. Travel allows you to gain experiences, enriches your character, and widens your circle. A narrow circle only focused on dating, and not on living as well – can quickly become stale. Take your trip and enjoy – and when you return, you can continue to date with renewed energy. You are not a parked car. Leave the lot for a bit – there is so much more to explore. The parking lot isn’t going anywhere.
