Dear Dating Coach,
I went out with a girl twice and had a nice time and she wants to go out on a third date but I am on the fence. I liked her and everything was fine, but it wasn’t amazing. I’m not sure she has all the qualities I’m looking for and I don’t think I would be upset if we didn’t go out. My family thinks I should try again but they don’t want to push me either. We agreed to ask you. What do you think?
Stay or Go
Dear Stay,
I love sushi. It’s fun, it’s tasty, and there are so many variations. However, I don’t like sushi with raw fish. It’s slimy, wiggly, and I really dislike the taste. I wanted to like sushi with raw fish. It’s healthy, light, and always leftover by a simcha after everyone grabs the tempura pieces. So, I tried it once and gagged. Tried it twice and did that thing where you feel like you will vomit but valiantly preserve. Finally, tried it a third time and loved it!! Nope. That did not happen. I hated it. Couldn’t swallow. Had to mouthwash. Did not appreciate it at all. But the point is, you need to give sashimi a chance.
Wait. No, that’s not it. You need to give life a chance. Yes. That’s the lesson.
Rice and Shine
I’m so glad you reached out to me. Dating can be confusing. You want to give yourself the chance to connect with your dates but you also don’t want to waste anyone’s time; yours or theirs. If the date doesn’t feel like “The One,” perhaps it is best to move on. No hard feelings. Or if the date was ok, pareve, but fine, maybe you should give this opportunity another chance? Definitely confusing.
I am more often than not of the belief that another chance is the way to go. If the possibility even exists that this could be your match, you are looking at a lifetime of connection and happiness at best. Certainly then, the extra few hours of investment are worth it? A few hours for the chance at a happy marriage? At worst, you have used a few hours to confirm that this wasn’t right. I find that daters often use date two to confirm that their date is not right for them. Instead, I would encourage daters to use date two merely to see if date three is in the cards.
It is impossible to know the entirety of someone’s personality by date two. It is presumptuous to say that someone does not have the qualities you hoped for by date two. You have spent a few hours with a stranger. You know very little. Focus only on your time together and if you have even a small interest in date three, and that should be enough to warrant moving forward. You don’t need all the answers by date number two. Only the energy and smarts to know that a connection takes time and a third date might get you just a bit closer. Take that chance.
