Dear Dating Coach,
I am not the type of girl who dresses up. I like to keep things casual and have been described as “sporty.” I have been dating for a while now, and the feedback I’ve been getting often mentions my appearance. Usually something like, “She’s a great girl, but she looks like she doesn’t care.” I hear this, and I just think that a guy who expects me to dress up is not going to be the right guy for me. I am outdoorsy and love being active, and my dates usually reflect that. Who dresses up for a hike or axe throwing? Why would I pretend to be “fancy” when I am not? My mother is beside herself and disagrees with me. We agreed to ask you. What do you think?
Plain Jane
Dear Jane,
All we need to say is Tiffany Blue, and you can picture the color instantly. It’s that flawless shade that invokes a perfect package from a place that bears the same name. A company so iconic that it has its very own color trademark. A Tiffany Box tells you that it holds something precious and valuable. It is likely something timeless and beautiful. We don’t say Walmart White, or Target Tan. We don’t get excited by Marshall’s Mauve or Burlington Beige. Certainly, those stores have value and familiarity. They carry items we need (and offer bargains we didn’t know we needed!) Still, they don’t represent items that should be treasured. Tiffany Blue, however, is something we all understand; a prize.
I Fancy You.
Thank you for reaching out. I get it. You are easygoing, and never feel the need to be fancy-shmancy. You are most comfortable in athleisure and don’t know a color palette from a paint chip. You hate the idea of pretending to be “something you are not,” and you don’t feel the need to dress up for the casual dates you enjoy. You never want to be a girl who takes hours doing her hair and makeup and you own twelve pairs of sneakers and one pair of heels (that have gathered dust). You want to be AUTHENTIC and getting all “dolled up” feels fake.
OK, don’t kill me.
You are wrong. Even if the guy you are hoping for is so outdoorsy he fillets his own fish at restaurants, he is still going to be affected by your appearance. This does not mean you suddenly need to morph into a bronzed ballgowned boa wearing princess, but you can still look really fabulous. Your look lacks intention, and that tells people that you don’t care. Taking the time to do your hair and some (light) makeup does not mean you are “dressing up.” It means that you are mindful to package your precious self thoughtfully. It means that you care to take the time to present yourself on a date to the best of your ability because you value yourself and your date. Find a look that still feels like you, but elevated, curated, and purposeful.
We plate our food thoughtfully, we wrap our presents, and we take care of our homes. We do this to show we care and value those items. Don’t cloak yourself in authenticity that hurts you, when you can honor your true self by showcasing your innate preciousness. You can find the right balance with a look that feels honest, without feeling lazy. Everyone deserves a proper package, and you need to find yours so that your dates understand that you must be handled with care.