Dear Dating Coach,
I met someone at a singles shabbaton. I know! I was also surprised. I have been to a few of these and they are usually uneventful, but this time, there were new faces. I connected with someone immediately, and we talked all through the meal Friday night and then after. Then Shabbos afternoon, he found me again and we talked until after Shabbos was over. I was shocked by how fast the time had passed. He asked for my contact information, and a proper date, and that’s when I found out that he is 8 years younger than me (8!) and that his family has a totally different background than mine. (Although now we seem to have the same hashkafos.) He works as a teacher in a great school here (I always said I would never marry a teacher!) and he is super outdoorsy and the only time I want to spend outdoors is between my apartment and my car. So, this all gave me pause and now I’m a bit unsure. If I had gotten his resume, I would have immediately passed over him based on this information. But I keep thinking about how easy it was to talk to him, and I want to see where this might go. What do you think?
Second Thoughts
Dear Thoughts,
Baking baffles me. You take ingredients that are inedible on their own like raw eggs, flour, baking powder and oil and you combine them to create a cake that tastes perfectly delicious. But every baker knows that there are basic components of a cake that are needed to create the final product. Every cake needs sugar and flour. They need baking powder to rise, eggs to bind, sugar for sweetness, and oil for moisture. Then, once you have those foundation ingredients you can add your own flavors. Cocoa for a rich chocolate cake, cinnamon for sweetness, or lemon for a tart fresh bite. This way, we create individual special cakes that we love best. But without the basics, a cake will certainly fall flat. (Believe me, I know.)
Be A…
What a beautiful surprise at a singles shabbaton! So often, events like this are not appreciated like they should be, so it is wonderful that you met someone and really connected at this special Shabbos program. Yet, even with your obvious connection, you are concerned after finding out some more information that would typically never pass muster for you; his age, background, and even his profession! You are now second guessing yourself, but the chemistry was clear and you cannot ignore how you felt with him. What to do now?
Whisk Taker
I have some sad news. You will not be able to hang up his resume in your future home as a symbol of your obvious compatibility. Shame. I know how popular it is to hang up resumes in homes of young couples to prove to their guests that they were made for each other. Oh wait. I just made that up. And it’s ridiculous. Nobody will care about his resume or yours. Nobody will gape at your age difference. And nobody will ask how you could have dated a teacher. EVERYBODY will be too busy admiring your blessed connection and your wonderful happiness. They will be playing with your future adorable (and well-taught!) children, and enjoying the ease that you have with one another. Instead, thank Hashem for creating a way for you to meet this new person knowing that a piece of paper might have held you back.
Instead of focusing on these differences, hone in on the links that connect you. Look at his character, the hashkafa that you share, and his passion and work ethic. Remind yourself that you share foundation ingredients that truly matter and the added flavor, will be all your own.
