Dear Dating Coach,
I can’t do this anymore. I feel like I have been dating forever. My parents are really proactive with shadchanim and networking. I do my best to be a positive dater, I take care with my appearance, and I am always mindful of the impression that I make. I am studying for my masters’ degree and I am hardworking. I daven. I attend shiurim, and I am involved with chesed in my community. We are open to new ideas and backgrounds and we really try to listen to every possibility with positivity and openness. But here I am, still single, and my friends are pregnant with their second babies. I am feeling tired and dejected. I am sad and frustrated. This is hard. I just don’t want to do this anymore. Is there anything I am missing?
Dating-Done
Dear Done,
I went to visit a little boy in the hospital the other day. He was crying. I could hear him from the hallway, asking for the pain to stop. His tears fell from his beautiful face and my heart broke. Toys and treats were offered to placate him, but his sadness permeated the room. “Just a bit longer” the nurse assured him, but he could barely see her through his cries. “I hear you” his father said. “I know it hurts,” he told his precious boy, and the tears slowly dried; the words an acknowledgment, validation, and a promise of support.
Resting is Part of The Hustle
Thank you for your letter. You are struggling. You feel like you are doing everything in your power to facilitate a shidduch and your right match. You are practical and proactive. You are self-aware and productive. And of course, you rely on your connection to Hashem. Yet, you find yourself alone, despite dating regularly and with intention. You are worn down, and while you smile, you feel unable to continue.
Dating can be easy for some. They date one boy or two, they connect, build a relationship, and soon after they create a home and a family. For others, dating becomes complicated. They meet nice matches, they do their best to foster and create connections, but something is not right. Time passes and dating becomes difficult, a chore. They do their best to date positively, and they fill their time with good, and still the right fit is not there.
This is hard. This exhausts you, wears on you, and depletes you of your energy and enthusiasm. You are not alone in feeling this way and you are not wrong. Be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself and be patient with how you are feeling. When you feel like this, surround yourself with people who love you, who validate you, and who bolster you with their encouragement and faith. You are doing the right thing and you will meet your bashert. But until you do, we hear you and we see you.
