It’s a low-grade fear. An edginess, a dread. A cold wind that won’t stop howling.
It’s not so much a storm as the certainty that one is coming. Always… coming. Sunny days are just an interlude. You can’t relax. Can’t let your guard down. All peace is temporary, short-term.
It’s not the sight of a grizzly bear but the suspicion of one or two or ten. Behind every tree. Beyond every turn. Inevitable. It’s just a matter of time until the grizzly leaps out of the shadows, bares its fangs, and gobbles you up, along with your family, your friends, your bank account, your pets, and your country.
There’s trouble out there! So you don’t sleep well.
You don’t laugh often.
You don’t enjoy the sun.
You don’t whistle as you walk.
And when others do, you give them a look. That look. That “are you naïve” look. You may even give them a word. “Haven’t you read the news and heard the reports and seen the studies?’
Max Lucado, a New York Times bestselling author begins his book, Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World, with the above passage. Do you live like that? Constantly imagining danger around the corner? Are you suffering from low-grade anxiety on a constant basis?
Lucado smartly points out that “anxiety and fear are cousins, but not twins. Fear sees a threat. Anxiety imagines one. Fear screams, Get out! Anxiety ponders, What if?” While fear results in running away or fighting, anxiety inspires gloom and doom. Lucado also points out that anxiety disorders are the number one mental health problem among women in the United States (and in the top three in U.S. men).
There are plenty of resources available for those whose worrying gets in the way of their day-to-day lives. In her book, The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques, Margaret Wehrenberg lays out 10 methods to help overcome anxiety:
- Manage the body. People who are stressed don’t take care of their bodies. But, this leads to a cycle of stress. Therefore, in order to manage your emotional and mental state, you need to take care of your physical self:
- Eat right. Get plenty of fruits, vegetables, and proteins. These will help your brain feel safe and taken care of.
- Avoid alcohol, sugar, and caffeine. These substances can create dips and spikes in our moods.
- Exercise. Exercise releases stress-reducing hormones that calm the body and the brain.
- Sleep. Sleep gives you the ability to recharge and have energy for the day ahead.
- Breathe. Deep breathing slows down your stress response. If you practice deep breathing even when you are not anxious, you can more easily use it when you are in a stressful situation.
- Mindful awareness. Close your eyes and pay attention to your body. How does it feel to breathe? Do you feel your heart beat? Can you feel your stomach rumble? Now, focus your attention away from your body. What do you smell? Hear? Last, shift your attention back to your body. When you are able to focus both internally and externally, you will feel more in control of your surroundings and your circumstances.
- Don’t listen when worry calls your name. Anxiety is an emotional state. As I talk about in my children’s book My Friend, the Worrier, anxiety is a monster. When you feed the monster by giving into the anxiety, you let it grow bigger. Instead, you need to stop listening to the monster. You need to stop feeding it. You need to say, “That’s just my anxious brain again.” Then, you can begin relaxation breathing.
- Knowing, not showing, anger. Sometimes anxiety and anger are coupled. When you feel angry, you begin to feel anxious. If you can separate those emotions and understand that you are feeling anger, rather than anxiety, this may allow you to let go of the anxiety. Ask yourself, “What am I angry about?” rather than “What am I anxious about?”
- Have a little fun. When you are in the midst of an anxious moment, it’s hard to laugh. But, if you make an effort to add more laughter and lightness into your life, you might find it easier to navigate the stress-inducing moments.
- Turn it off. This one is a tough one; however, once you learn how to do it, it can change your life. The idea is to “turn off” your ever-thinking mind. First, you think about each thing that is bothering you, one at a time. Then, you visually place each worry thought into a mental container and close it shut. Then, you can take out those worries when you have the time and resources to deal with them.
- Interrupt those worries. When you feel your brain starting up, say “Stop” or picture a stop sign or hand. Then, say something like, “I can do this” or another self-asserting statement.
- Worry well, but only once. If you simply must face your anxiety and you can’t turn it off or stop it, then you should worry. But, you should set aside a prescribed time that you are allowed to worry about it. For instance, “I am going to worry about my son not making friends in school for 20 minutes on Monday.” And, set aside that time to think about solutions or simply to worry. Then, when the worry thoughts pop up on Tuesday, you tell yourself, “Stop! I already worried about that” and divert your thoughts to another activity.
- Learn to plan, instead of worry. The difference between planning and worrying is that once you create a plan, you don’t need to check it over a million times. If you are worrying, you revisit that plan over and over. So, learn to plan. Learn to:
- Identify the problem
- Come up with possible solutions
- Choose the best solution for you
- Create a plan of action
Don’t rethink it and change the plan. Instead, stick with it. You’ll ultimately be happier and less anxious.
I created a 30 Day Anxiety Challenge (see sample below) that incorporates these different elements into every day of the month. Hundreds of people have already started (and completed!) the challenge. Call today to get your 30 Day Anxiety Challenge and join other people looking to change their lives and no longer live in fear!
