Nonverbal communication skills improve relationships by helping you:
Accurately read other people, including the emotions they’re feeling and the unspoken messages they’re sending.
Create trust in relationships by sending nonverbal signals that match up with your words.
Respond with nonverbal cues that show others that you understand, notice, and care.
Unfortunately, many people send confusing or negative nonverbal signals without even knowing it. When this happens, both connection and trust are lost.
Social Thinking
A pioneer in the field of social skills, Michelle Garcia Winner, created what she terms “social thinking.” In her many books and workshops, Winner discusses the concept of social thinking, she says:
Our social behavior is the end result of a complicated and very fast thought process called social thinking. Our behavioral response in every social context is informed by our consideration of the thoughts and feelings of the people around us as well as how we intend to influence them. This means that in the context of going to the doctor’s office…our behavior may be slightly different each time depending on who is around us and what we perceive they are thinking and feeling in that moment.
There is no one correct way to act in a doctor’s waiting room because the social context is always a little bit different! Sometimes the receptionist may be happy to answer personal questions about herself, especially if you notice a new engagement ring on her finger. Sometimes you can converse with other patients, if they are showing certain signs that they are interested in talking to you. With this in mind, it suddenly becomes clear that for students to “behave well” they need to be sensitive to the situation and the people in the situation in order for them to socially problem solve how to produce the “expected behavior.” The following are core philosophies of social thinking:
People “think with their eyes” to figure out other people’s thoughts and emotions.
Our thoughts and emotions are connected. Thinking affects feeling and feeling affects thinking.
Our actions are constantly governed by thinking about other people, even if we are not with them.
We always try to act in a way that other people will not think we are “weird.”
All people engage in these thoughts and behaviors.
Social thinking continues to be necessary for adult life. To keep a job, we must understand what the people around us think and expect.
Our social skills are what allow us to create lasting relationships both at home and at work. They are what allow us to communicate respectfully and effectively with our spouses and with our bosses or employees. If we learn how to raise our social IQ or gain greater social skills, we can live happily and productively with those around us.
Register now for an Anxiety workshop by Dr. Paul Foxman on November 17, 2015. Please call Mrs. Schonfeld at 718-382-5437 for more information.