According to a 2016 report, girls and boys are getting married and beginning a new chapter in their lives at younger ages. In fact, the report found that 70% of young singles were married by the age of 24. However, despite these high rates of marriage at early ages, it is becoming increasingly difficult for people to find their shidduch. We know this phenomenon as the “shidduch crisis.”
One individual I worked with who experienced the challenges of the shidduch crisis firsthand is Aaron, a 25-year-old man from Lakewood, NJ. Despite his active involvement in the community and numerous first dates, Aaron found himself struggling to connect with his dates. Feeling discouraged, he turned to a shidduch coach for guidance. Through working with his coach, Aaron was able to identify areas where he could improve his communication skills and body language. He also gained a greater sense of self-awareness and developed a stronger sense of his personal values and goals. With these tools and renewed confidence, Aaron was ultimately able to find a wife with whom he shares a deep connection. Aaron’s experience highlights the need for support and guidance in navigating the shidduch process, even for individuals who may be considered “successful” by traditional measures.
The process of shidduchim can be a challenging and complex journey for young individuals. Navigating the expectations of family and community, as well as developing effective communication and social skills, can be daunting for many individuals in the shidduch process. As such, a growing trend has emerged in recent years, with the emergence of professional shidduch coaches who aim to support individuals in this process.
Communication Skills. One of the central benefits of shidduch coaching is the potential to develop effective conversation skills. Communication is a key element in developing a meaningful connection with a potential partner. Yet, many young individuals in the shidduch process struggle with initiating and sustaining conversations. Shidduch coaching can provide individuals with the tools and techniques necessary to improve their communication skills. For example, coaches may teach individuals active listening skills, such as paying close attention to what the other person is saying and showing an interest in their life experiences. Additionally, coaches may instruct individuals on how to ask open-ended questions that encourage dialogue and facilitate the flow of conversation. These communication skills can be used beyond the context of shidduchim and are valuable in a range of personal and professional settings.
Body Language and Presence. Another potential benefit of shidduch coaching is the opportunity to improve one’s body language and overall presence. In the shidduch process, every detail matters: from the way an individual stands to their tone of voice. Shidduch coaches can assist individuals in identifying habits or behaviors that may inhibit their presentation to potential partners. Coaches may provide guidance on how to use nonverbal cues, such as eye contact and facial expressions, to effectively communicate interest and confidence. Additionally, coaches may offer feedback on how an individual’s posture and tone of voice can impact their perceived confidence and presence. By improving these aspects of presentation, individuals may feel more confident and empowered when meeting potential partners.
Self-Awareness. Shidduch coaching can help individuals develop a greater sense of self-awareness. The shidduch process can be stressful and overwhelming, and it can be challenging to remain true to one’s authentic self in the face of societal and familial expectations. Shidduch coaches can assist individuals in identifying their own values, strengths, and weaknesses, and in making choices that align with their authentic selves. This process of self-discovery can have a profound impact beyond the shidduch process, enhancing an individual’s sense of self and self-confidence.
It is also worth noting that the benefits of shidduch coaching extend beyond the shidduch process itself. Developing effective communication, body language, and self-awareness skills can have positive impacts on all areas of an individual’s life. These skills can be transferred to job interviews and even to parenting. So, if you are in the struggling in the shidduch parsha, it can’t hurt to start gaining these skills for the rest of your life.
