Q: My son was recently diagnosed with dyslexia. I was actually relieved to find out about his learning disability because now my husband and I finally understand what was going wrong with him for so many years in school. But, now that I understand his academic issues, I am trying to make sense of his social problems. He seems so much more immature than the other children his age. Can this be linked to dyslexia?
A: What you are going through is not a unique experience. Contrary to what most might think, many parents feel relief when they finally understand the underlying reason behind their child’s academic struggles.
Now, let’s talk about social issues connected to dyslexia. You are spot-on when you ask about his dyslexia being connected to problems with his peers and classmates. Whereas people used to believe that emotional disorders caused dyslexia, experts now agree that this is quite the opposite. Children who are dyslexic experience no trouble socially until they begin to learn to read and write in kindergarten. Early reading instruction does not match their learning style – and that is where the problems arise!
Time and again, dyslexic children hear, “He’s such a smart kid. If only he would try harder, he would succeed.” Ironically, no one knows just how hard these children are trying, yet they continue to fail miserably because their minds simply do not work the way normative reading instruction is taught. Their frustration mounts and they begin to think that it is “terrible” to make a mistake. It is no wonder, then, that dyslexic children have trouble interacting socially. Below, I have outlined some of the specific social problems children with dyslexia may experience:
- Low self-esteem. Children who constantly feel that they are failing even when they are trying will develop a poor sense of self. This in turn will lead to less peer acceptance.
- Difficulty reading social cues. One element of dyslexia may be the inability to read social cues. Dyslexic children might be oblivious to the amount of personal space needed or to facial expressions that indicate emotions.
- Impaired oral language. Though dyslexia primarily affects reading, it can also impair oral language functioning. Children might have trouble finding the right words or may stammer.
The above issues, while not primary symptoms of dyslexia, can have very real side effects. Luckily, there are many things that parents can do to help their dyslexic children better socialize.
First, from a young age, you must create a positive and encouraging environment. Instead of focusing on your child’s failures, emphasize his successes. Of course, you should continue to push your child forward, but do not concentrate on his failures.
Next, find an activity that your child is particularly skilled at. Some dyslexic children are wonderful at playing musical instruments, others are extremely artistic, while still others are supremely athletic. Once you discover what your child’s passion is, help him pursue it. This will boost his self-esteem tremendously.
Most importantly, it is important for you to help your child set attainable goals. Often, he will choose unrealistic or impossible goals that will only make him feel inadequate. Setting a goal that is achievable and then encouraging your child to rejoice in his success will work wonders for his self-worth and his social IQ.
Because you now have a diagnosis, with time and a bit of patience, your child can now live up to his wondrous potential!
