“He wasn’t so smart, but he worked really hard and he’s super successful!”
“She had so much potential, but she never really finished anything she started.”
“That family has tons of luck. They do well at whatever they try!”
Why do some families raise children who refuse to give up while others raise children who never reach their potential? In The Learning Habit: A Groundbreaking Approach to Homework and Parenting that Helps Our Children Succeed in School and Life, authors Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman, Rebecca Jackson, and Robert Pressman talk about this phenomenon:
Parents are frustrated by their inability to get clear information about the right thing the [X] family has apparently figured out. What learning habits and behaviors contribute to a child’s educational success or failure? Why do some children succeed, despite enormous obstacles, while others (from seemingly more advantaged backgrounds) quit at the drop of a hat? Was it genes, parenting style, learning habits, or all of the above? These are questions that have baffled educational experts and research psychologists for decades – until now.
The authors of The Learning Habit conducted studies with thousands of families across the United States. According to their research, there is a “formula” that parents can follow to help children learn resilience, self-reliance and diligence. Surprisingly, much of the focus of the formula centers on homework.
The Ten-Minute Rule
We’ve all heard of this rule – children should have ten minutes of homework per grade in school per night. That means that a first grader should have ten minutes of homework while an eighth grader should have eighty minutes. Many people feel that this is a rule for teachers; that is, that teacher should give only a certain amount of homework. And, though this is the ideal, we can help teach our children responsibility, focus, and diligence through our own ten-minute rule.
The ten-minute parents’ rule is to set aside an uninterrupted ten-minutes per grade for homework. “Homework shouldn’t be a rude awakening. It’s a part of life,” says Ms. Jackson. “Schools will change, curricula will change. Your goal is to provide a framework. Homework isn’t a punishment; it’s not the reason you’re not doing something else. It’s part of the routine.”
Having created that structure, says Ms. Jackson, the next step for parents is to step back and let your children discover that they can do the work for themselves. “The idea of homework is creating a habit of sustained learning,” she says. “We’re not learning when we’re being assisted by our parents. Parents need to step back from focusing on the outcome – the completed, corrected assignment – and focus on the effort.”
KJ Dell’Antonia explains in a New York Times article, “How do you create a homework habit? You and your child pick a time and place (not necessarily the same time every day). You let your child get set up. You remove, if necessary, any distractions… One of you sets a timer. And then – and this is key – when the time is up, if the homework isn’t done, you tell your child to close the books and walk away.”
That means that if your child needs an extra hour, you don’t allow him to take it. And, if your child only needs twenty minutes, but is in third grade, you give him a book that he can read until the timer goes off. This teaches your child discipline (along with the other skills he might be learning from the content of the homework assignment). The ten-minute rule teaches time management and also helps your child set goals. Focusing for an extended period of time, time management, and goal setting are three essential components of success as an adult.