How To Raise A Mentch

Photo Credit: Rifka Schonfeld

Weighing the Scales

With the right combination of love and limits, children will develop ethical and moral characters. That combination is perhaps the most important element in raising a mentch. However, if you are looking for specific ways to instill mentchlichkeit, I have included some suggestions below:

• Volunteer together. Nothing raises moral awareness like doing chesed for others. Find a project that you and your children will enjoy doing and make a commitment. Maybe the family can volunteer at a soup kitchen on Sundays or maybe you can do bikur cholim every Friday afternoon. Regardless of the activity, seeing people in need will give your child perspective on the world. In addition, giving to others will build your children’s confidence and allow them to see themselves as contributing citizens of the world.
• Use your dinner table as a moral forum. Try to eat dinner together as a family at least three times a week. Then, spend that time together discussing your children’s days, current events and Torahissues. If you use your table as a place for discussion, you will be able to guide your children to think about issues through an ethical lens.
• Have high expectations. Set lofty expectations for your children’s moral behavior. If you see other children on the playground making fun of a child while your child does nothing, talk to your child later. Explain that you expect him to stand up when he thinks something is wrong. Don’t allow him to do what others do simply because that is what other people do. Gently demand that he stick to his principles.
• Accept mistakes, but discuss them. Your children will occasionally misstep. However, if you are truly a mentch, your response should be calm and collected. Accept the errors your child makes and simply work together to ensure that they do not happen again. Take every mistake as an opportunity for learning.

Even as you strive to instill qualities of mentchlichkeit in your children, remember that each child is uniquely different. To that end, do not forget to nurture each child’s particular strengths while working with his specific weaknesses. Through love, limits, and attention to individual personality, every parent can raise a mentch!