Photo Credit: Rifka Schonfeld

            Quality time: Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. This means that you aren’t doing anything else while you are together with your child – you aren’t checking your phone messages or reading the newspaper. Instead, you are solely focused on your child. The main goal in quality time is to foster a feeling of togetherness. The best way to do this with children is to maintain eye contact when they are speaking, to listen to their feelings and not interrupt them. Also, you can take them to a ball game, go for a walk, or even just sit together and eat dinner one-on-one.

            Gifts: Gifts have been expression of love for centuries. These gifts need not be expensive; however, they should be personalized and thoughtful. This indicates that you were thinking about that individual child and wanted to represent that thought in a gift. This does not mean that for a child whose primary love language is gifts you need to provide one a day or even every week. Instead, it means that when you come across something specific, you buy it for your child to let him or her know that you are thinking of him or her.

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            Acts of service. Acts of service is using your time to do something the child would otherwise not want to do. With adults in a marriage, these include washing dishes or killing the insect that crept into the house. This is a bit more difficult with children. But, if they hate doing a physical chore, do it with them. Or, become involved in a hobby that they enjoy to sacrifice your time for them.

The next step? Pay attention to the way your child responds to affection. Once you understand his primary love language, you can begin to fill his emotional tank, helping him grow a foundation for love and success.


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An acclaimed educator and social skills ​specialist​, Mrs. Rifka Schonfeld has served the Jewish community for close to thirty years. She founded and directs the widely acclaimed educational program, SOS, servicing all grade levels in secular as well as Hebrew studies. A kriah and reading specialist, she has given dynamic workshops and has set up reading labs in many schools. In addition, she offers evaluations G.E.D. preparation, social skills training and shidduch coaching, focusing on building self-esteem and self-awareness. She can be reached at 718-382-5437 or at [email protected].