It’s all right to cry
Crying gets the sad out of you
It’s all right to cry
It might make you feel better
Raindrops from your eyes
Washing all the mad out of you
Raindrops from your eyes
It’s gonna make you feel better
It’s all right to feel things
Though the feelings may be strange
Feelings are such real things
And they change and change and change
Sad ‘n’ grumpy, down in the dumpy
Snuggly, hugly, mean ‘n’ ugly
Sloppy, slappy, hoppy, happy
Change and change and change
It’s all right to know
Feelings come and feelings go
It’s all right to cry
It might make you feel better
– Rosey Grier
The song above was written for children for them to understand that showing emotion is natural and healthy. Whether you’re sad, happy, or something in between. Pia Mellody, a prominent psychologist as well as celebrated author of multiple books including Facing Codependence, writes about the eight basic emotions that people feel. When we can identify the feelings we are experiencing, we can move forward in dealing with them. For instance, if you are feeling overwhelmed by all that you need to do, you are likely feeling fear, and in that case, once you become aware of that emotion, you are able to address it.
Consider the list below with the eight basic emotions that Mellody has identified. She additionally includes the related feelings (like frustration when you are angry), the related gifts (like growth when you feel pain), and the physical manifestations of those emotions in our body (like a gnawing sensation when you feel guilt).
- Emotion: Anger
- Related Feelings: Frustration, Resentment, Irritation
- Related Gifts: Assertiveness, Strength, Energy
- Physical Manifestations: Power, Energy
- Emotion: Fear
- Related Feelings: Apprehensive, Overwhelmed, Threatened
- Related Gifts: Preservation, Wisdom, Protection
- Physical Manifestations: Suffocation
- Emotion: Pain
- Related Feelings: Hurt, Pity, Sad, Lonely
- Related Gifts: Healing, Growth, Awareness
- Physical Manifestations: Hurting
- Emotion: Joy
- Related Feelings: Happy, Elated, Hopeful
- Related Gifts: Abundance, Happiness, Gratitude
- Physical Manifestations: Lightness
- Emotion: Passion
- Related Feelings: Enthusiasm, Desire, Zest
- Related Gifts: Appetite, Energy, Excitement
- Physical Manifestations: Recharged, Spontaneous
- Emotion: Love
- Related Feelings: Affection, Tenderness, Compassion, Warmth
- Related Gifts: Connection, Life, Spirituality
- Physical Manifestations: Warmth
- Emotion: Shame
- Related Feelings: Embarrassed, Humble
- Related Gifts: Humility, Containment, Humanity
- Physical Manifestations: Hot, Red
- Emotion: Guilt
- Related Feelings: Regretful, Contrite, Remorseful
- Related Gifts: Values, Amends, Containment
- Physical Manifestations: Gnawing sensation
So, how can this list actually help you? There are two important ways that this can guide you when dealing with strong emotions: awareness and harnessing the power of the emotions.
Awareness is Strength
Sometimes it is hard to name what you are feeling. Suddenly, you feel hot. You feel a bit of a burning session in your chest and on your neck. You can open a window to cool off, but you might not actually be addressing where that physical manifestation is coming from. Are you in the middle of a discussion that is making you feel shame? Are you embarrassed about an action you took or something that you said? Taking a moment to reflect on where that heat is coming from (whether it is internal or external) can help you become aware the feelings that you are experiencing. And, when you aware of those feelings, you are better able to address them.
The same goes for positive emotions, perhaps you are suddenly feeling light and buoyant. Is that because you have recently lost weight or have entered a space that has better air flow? Or is it because you are experiencing joy? Recognizing the joy and leaning into it can better help you replicate that experience in the future.
Harnessing the Power of Emotions
Emotions are often big and scary, even the positive ones. When you feel strong joy or anger, those feelings can often make you feel out of control. Your first response might be to squash those feelings in order to regain control. Instead, once you have an awareness of what you are feeling, you can harness the power of those big emotions to reap the benefits of those emotions. What does that look like?
With anger, it is easy to understand that you gain energy – your heart is racing and your fists are clenched. You are in the midst of an adrenaline rush. Instead of channeling that anger into the thing that is making you angry, use that strength for something positive. Do some physical activity or start a project you’ve been pushing off for a while. With guilt, those same big emotions might make you feel like closing yourself off from the rest of the world. Instead, use that gnawing sensation and that sense of remorse to reach out to those you may have hurt and make amends.
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Are there more than eight emotions? Of course. Would some people have different categories of the eight basic emotions? Definitely. There’s no absolute right or wrong when it comes to emotions. The key is to recognize what you are experiencing and then to figure out how to make good things happen from those big feelings.
