The backpacks are packed, the uniforms are crisp, and the school bell is ringing. Yet, for many children, the greatest hurdle they face in the coming weeks won’t be academic. It will be social.
How do I make friends again?
Will anyone talk to me?
What if I don’t fit in this year?
These silent questions echo through the minds of children across every grade level. And for those who already struggle with anxiety, learning differences, or emotional regulation, returning to school is not just a transition. It is a challenge that touches every aspect of their self-esteem and social life.
As educators and mental health professionals have increasingly noted, social skills are not extras. They are fundamental to learning, confidence, and resilience. And like any skill, they can be taught, modeled, and supported. So as parents, what can we do to help?
Understand the Connection Between Learning and Social Struggles: Many parents don’t realize how closely self-esteem is tied to academic functioning. A child who struggles to read, follow directions, or write quickly may feel embarrassed in front of peers. This is especially true as children grow older and school becomes more publicly performative through reading aloud, presenting projects, or participating in class.
When a child perceives themselves as “behind,” they may withdraw socially, avoid challenges, or act out to deflect attention. Research has shown that approximately 70 percent of students with learning challenges also experience significant self-esteem issues. That doesn’t mean these children are doomed to struggle socially. In fact, with the right support and self-awareness, many develop exceptional empathy and emotional maturity.
Parents can begin by naming their child’s strengths out loud: “You have such creative ideas.” “You’re so thoughtful with younger kids.” “You worked hard on that, and it showed.” Recognizing non-academic talents like humor, kindness, or musical ability gives children a social identity beyond their report card.
Teach Social Skills Explicitly: Social skills don’t always come naturally. Some children learn to pick up on tone, body language, or peer rules through observation. Others need to be taught directly.
If your child struggles to make friends, doesn’t notice when others are annoyed, or seems confused by sarcasm or group dynamics, try modeling and scripting. For example:
- Role-play how to ask to join a game.
- Pause a movie and ask what a character might be feeling.
- Practice what to say when someone hurts your feelings or leaves you out.
Break it down into small, repeatable steps. “When you want to join, you can say, ‘Can I play next?’ and then wait for a response.” Keep your tone upbeat and concrete, and avoid shaming your child for what they “should” know. With practice, these social tools become automatic and open doors to friendships that once felt out of reach.
Recognize the Difference Between Conflict and Bullying: Not every social struggle is bullying. True bullying is serious and must be addressed. But many of the interpersonal challenges that children face at school fall into a different category: conflict.
Experts define bullying as behavior that is intentional, repeated over time, and involves a power imbalance. It may involve exclusion, threats, or physical aggression. Conflict, by contrast, is often a one-time incident or disagreement between equals. It might sting, but it’s developmentally normal and provides an opportunity for growth.
Research from the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center has shown that learning how to manage conflict, including how to apologize, compromise, and forgive, is critical for long-term social development.
When your child comes home upset, listen first without judgment. Then ask guiding questions: “Did this happen before?” “What did you say?” “What do you want to do next time?”
Sometimes children are looking for tools, not solutions. Offer phrases they can use like, “That didn’t feel good to me,” or “Can we talk about what happened?” These small scripts build confidence and reduce the sense of helplessness.
Support Children with Emotional Regulation Challenges: Some children experience the school day as a minefield. The noise, the transitions, the social expectations, the effort of holding it together. All of it can be exhausting. And for children with anxiety, ADHD, sensory processing challenges, or diagnoses like Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), emotional regulation is often the hardest part of the day.
These children may yell, throw things, shut down, or refuse to participate. What looks like defiance is often a stress response. The behavior says, “I can’t,” not “I won’t.”
Dr. Ross Greene, author of The Explosive Child, famously wrote, “Kids do well if they can.” His approach encourages adults to view behavioral struggles as lagging skills, not moral failings. Emotional regulation, like reading or math, can be taught. And it needs to be.
Parents can help by offering calm structure and low-stimulation environments. Set predictable routines. Use neutral language when correcting behavior. And when your child manages to stay in control during a tough moment, notice it: “I saw how hard that was and how you kept calm. That shows strength.”
At the same time, let your child know that struggling doesn’t make them “bad.” It makes them human. And they’re not alone.
Rebuild Routines and Rhythm: The predictability of home routines can soften the emotional load of school. Morning, bedtime, and after-school structures offer children a sense of security and a chance to reset.
A study from the University at Albany found that children with regular routines had better sleep, more emotional resilience, and fewer behavioral problems. Even something as small as lighting a candle before homework or listening to the same music during breakfast can help signal safety and stability.
Set up a visual schedule, post a morning checklist, or review the week on Sundays. Routines don’t have to be rigid. They just have to be consistent enough to tell the child that they know what’s coming next and they are ready for it.
Treat Organization as a Social Skill: Disorganization isn’t just frustrating. It can be socially costly. A child who forgets their homework, loses supplies, or shows up late may be viewed by peers or teachers as careless. Over time, that reputation can impact friendships and self-worth.
But executive functioning, the brain’s system for planning, remembering, and managing tasks, is still developing well into the mid-twenties. Children who struggle in this area aren’t lazy. They need scaffolding. That might include:
- Color-coded folders or bags by subject
- Visual checklists near the front door
- A consistent place to pack bags and charge devices
- Shared Sunday-night prep sessions with a parent
- Sticky notes or reminder alarms on a watch or phone
Help your child externalize what they can’t yet manage internally. Then slowly step back as skills grow. Being organized isn’t just about grades. It gives a child a sense of capability. That confidence carries into their social world.
Support the Quiet Kids, Too: Not every child wants a large group of friends or a packed social calendar. Some children are naturally quiet, observant, or slow to warm up. That’s not something to fix. It’s something to respect.
Introverts often form deep connections with a few close peers. They may thrive in smaller groups, one-on-one interactions, or parallel play. Don’t push them to be someone they’re not. Instead, help them identify what kind of social interaction feels good, and build from there.
Offer gentle encouragement to try new things. Celebrate small social risks. And remind them that friendship comes in many forms. What matters most is connection, not quantity.
Give Struggles a Name: Children know when they’re different. What they don’t always have is the language to explain it.
Whether your child has ADHD, anxiety, a learning difference, or just a sensitive personality, it’s important to offer age-appropriate explanations. “Your brain works a little differently, which means some things feel harder and some things come easily. That’s true for everyone in different ways.”
Giving a name to the struggle takes away shame. It opens the door to self-advocacy, resilience, and meaningful growth.
A Final Note: The social world of childhood is complex, unpredictable, and often intense. You can’t fix every interaction. But by showing your child that you see them, understand them, and believe in their ability to grow, you give them what they need most. Not just to survive the school year, but to thrive in it.