Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere. ~Glenn Turner
Who doesn’t know what it’s like to feel nervous? Our children might feel anxious about their first day of school or going to a friend’s house for the first time. As they grow, they might be nervous about being set up on shidduchim or landing the right career for their lifestyle. Then, as adults, we might feel butterflies in our stomachs on the first day of a new job or when buying our first house. All of these anxieties are normal – and a natural part of development.
So, how much worrying is too much worrying? When do nerves transform into anxiety? David Burns, in his book, When Panic Attacks, explains that there are multiple forms of anxiety that can impair everyday functioning. Below is a description of a few of the most common:
- Fears and phobias. People have different phobias: the fear of blood, needles, heights, snakes, spiders, or getting stuck in small places. These are anxieties that are specific to a location or an object and rarely extend past these particular situations.
- Chronic worrying. This type of anxiety encompasses all areas of people’s lives. They worry about their families, their health, careers, and finances. They constantly feel anxious and as if a bad thing is going to happen, but they cannot figure out exactly what the problem is.
- Performance anxiety. This type of anxiety kicks in during important events: tests, performances, or athletic competitions. No matter how prepared and talented, people with performance anxiety simply freeze up when asked to perform.
- Public speaking anxiety. Everyone is afraid to speak in front of a group, but people with performance anxiety tell themselves, “My voice will start to crack. I will forget my train of thought. Everyone is going to laugh at me.” In this way, they work themselves up into a frenzy before speaking publicly.
- Panic attacks. Those who experience this form of anxiety face sudden and terrifying attacks that seemingly come out of nowhere. During these panic attacks, they feel dizzy, their heart pounds, and their fingers tingle. Then, before they know it, that feeling disappears leaving the sufferer frightened and confused. Where did the attack come from? When will it return?
- Obsessions and compulsions. In order to control their fears, people with obsessions and compulsions perform “rituals.” In addition, they might feel the excessive need to wash their hands or the necessity to check the locks on the doors ten times a night.
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). People with PTSD experienced horrific events in their past and are haunted by memories or flashbacks of that event. These flashbacks can happen at any time and paralyze the sufferer.
- Hypochondria. People who believe they are always sick and go from doctor to doctor complaining of aches and pains, with no genuine diagnosis, might feel better for a few days after a doctor’s visit. However, several days later those with hypochondria will begin to become anxious again, sure that there is something fatally wrong with their health.
Stop the Cycle
If you are experiencing crippling anxiety, there are four different approaches that you can take in order to make your life more manageable and enjoyable. Each model is based on different scientific or psychological theories:
The Cognitive Approach: This approach focuses on the idea that the way you think influences the way you feel. For instance, if you have a fear of heights and are walking on a bridge over the ocean, you might be saying to yourself, “I’m so high up. I’m going to fall. From this high up, I will surely die.” Because of this inner monologue, you will surely experience anxiety. The cognitive approach centers on changing your thinking – as it is not the height of the bridge that causes the anxiety – rather it is the way you are thinking that is making you nervous. The idea is that once you change your thinking, you can change your feelings.
The Exposure Model: Much of this model is based on the idea that avoidance is the cause of all anxiety. The concept is that if you feel anxious because you are avoiding the object of your fears. So, if you face that object and confront that fear, you’ll defeat it. In essence, you are telling your fear, “Go ahead, take your best shot. I’m not afraid of you anymore!”
The Hidden Emotion Model: Psychologists developed this model based on the idea that people who are prone to anxiety fear conflict and negative feelings and therefore hide their true feelings in order to avoid these destructive emotions. When you expose the hidden feelings instead of bottling them up inside, you will be able to solve those problems and help dissolve the anxiety.
The Medical Model: Within the last few decades, the medical community has identified both depression and anxiety as disorders that arise from biological imbalances. In other words, some doctors believe that anxiety is hereditary and arises when there is an imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain. To that end, they believe that one way to ensure that you will no longer have anxiety is to take medication. These medications are often very effective in relieving anxiety, however, the downside is that you only feel the effects of the drug when you are taking it. In other words, once you stop taking the medication, you begin to experience the anxiety again.
What do I recommend? To each his own. Depending on your type and level of anxiety, I think any of these methods can be effective. The key is to remember that life does not have to be fraught with anxiety – you can change your life. And you never know, one day, you might actually enjoy it!