Dear Dating Coach,
I am dating a really great guy, and I really want this to work. I have some things that I feel I need to share with him, but I’m scared. I worry about how he will receive the information and what he will do with it. I am a private person and this just doesn’t feel comfortable. At the same time, I know we won’t progress if we both don’t open up to each other. Any tips on how to do this while protecting myself?
Sharing is Caring
Dear Sharing,
It was cold in Florida. For real cold. Like pull out the jackets and boots kind of cold. For three days we bravely battled the frozen temperatures (it was 47 degrees for a few minutes!) and tried to figure out how the heating worked only to discover that we don’t actually have heat controls on our air conditioners. Yes, we are impressed that we made it through. We are basically Canadians now, or maybe even Midwesterners (on a summer day). Shockingly, those who were in Florida visiting were undeterred by our frozen tundra and still jumped into swimming pools without a qualm. It was winter, people! We made soup! But to these determined tourists, swimming was a necessity and so they jumped in with both feet (no boots). Sometimes that’s the only way to warm up.
Why Was the Snowman Sad?
I appreciate your position. You like where you are in this dating process, and you can see a real future with the guy you are dating. You know that part of forging an authentic connection is sharing, but you are scared. Because, of course, it’s scary to share. We can never be absolutely sure that the information you offer will be held with respect and care. You want to move forward, but this requires you to take an unsettling leap of faith.
Because He Had a Meltdown
Of course I cannot offer you a guarantee, but you can gauge how he will react to some extent based on past behavior. Think about your previous dates, when you shared an insight, an idea, or a thought. Did he listen carefully, validate, and appreciate your opinions? Was he dismissive or unkind in any way? If he has been considerate and respectful until now, you can believe that he will continue to be. His thoughtfulness in general can reassure you. His ability to make you feel seen and heard can be trusted.
Take a chance, with this background in mind. Share with confidence so that you can continue to build on your connection. You can do this in small doses so that you have the comfort of his positive reaction and his regard for your privacy and vulnerability. This is the only way to create a healthy relationship, built on honesty and mutual respect. Trust him and trust the process by jumping in to swim toward a beautiful future.