Paul Anka And Me
Newsflash! Paul Anka does not have dementia!! An 80-year-old with energy flowing out of his pores performed here in Israel, first in the ancient Roman Amphitheater in Caesarea, and the next night here in Jerusalem in an exquisite outdoor space known as “The Sultan’s Pool” which sits astride the walls of Jerusalem’s Old City.
How is it that one 80-year-old can do two wonderful, yet grueling, concerts back-to-back and others can barely stand upright? Mr. Anka told his audience that he doesn’t do this for the bucks, but because it is his passion. I am a bit skeptical. A world tour at these prices will take care of his six children and future grandchildren for perpetuity. I do however believe the part about his “passion.” Anyone who has been writing songs and performing since the age of about 16 and who has recorded 80 albums must be passionate about his craft. No doubt, having two thousand adoring fans at nightly concerts is a tremendous boost for the ego and one’s mental health as well.
It was important that I began this chapter with the newsflash, or you might think that this chapter will reveal some secrets about the once teenage-heart-throb. Nope.
As we were sitting, three girl-friends and I, (or is it me??? That choice has always confused me…) only three rows above the area designed for handicapped access, I felt a pang of guilt that I had not even considered taking Hubby to this concert. It would have required a wheelchair and arrangements made ahead of time to access the rocky and difficult space, but others did it, so perhaps I could have done so as well? We do not actually have a wheelchair for him. I do therefore have an excuse. But that is not completely truthful. This concert was a bit of pampering for me.
Caregiving is an exhausting business. Those of us taking care of another who is totally dependent, need a bit of selfishness once in a while. The lure of a concert which would take me back to the innocent, sweet and hopeful days of my teens, caught my imagination. I deserve to be good to me. Hubby is unable to offer these respites any longer, which is not to say that he would ever have refused this evening of fun for his wife of almost fifty years.
As I pulled out my trusty cell phone to video the massive screen before me (Paul in the flesh, is only 5’6 and is difficult to see on the enormous stage), what was captured was a sea of sparkling lights, like stars in the sky. It was hundreds of other cellphones like mine, recording the wonderful moments we were so enjoying. Hubby would have loved this experience. Another wave of guilt.
When I returned home, I sat with Hubby and played the videos on my phone, for him. His eyes lit up when the music began. He knew the songs, as I did. I began to move and sing to the music. He was thrilled to see my mini-performance. Now his entire face was alight! That was the moment when I was most sorry that I had not considered taking him to the concert. He would have loved every second of it.
Of my three dear friends who accompanied me to the concert, two were widows, one of whom suffered for years with her husband’s dementia and decline. The third is now caring for her husband in the early years of the condition. We all seriously needed to have some fun, and a concert in the cool night’s air, where we could feel like teenagers again was just perfect.
To be clear, there really is no “Paul Anka and me.” Had he not already found his third partner – an exquisite blond, thin and very tall lady who is apparently many years my junior, and twenty-one years younger than her man, I might have been available. The age difference between the two of them is probably the only thing that we actually have in common. Hubby is twenty years my senior.
I cannot but wonder if she would care for Paul in the years to come as she might have, if she had been his life-partner for the past fifty years. Obviously, this is none of my business, but my mind does wander into areas where it does not belong. It is my one weakness.
The only real “newsflash” on offer, is my reminder that if cognitive decline should affect someone in your family now, or in the years to come, please take note: Whether it is Paul’s lovely companion, your loved one, or you, my reader, who is faced with the complexities of cognitive decline – Please know that both: thedementiadiary.com, and I are here, hoping to ease your personal journey.
