Everything Is Free!
Yesterday was concerning. Hubby would not/could not stay awake. When we tried to awaken him, he became furious, clenched his fist and we let him be.
I had invited five guests for lunch. Hubby was in the living room, slumped over on the sofa arm. He looked dead, but he was breathing. One by one the guests arrived. We sat at a festive table with enough food for a little army, and Hubby slept through it all. He never saw them come, or leave three hours later.
His substitute aide was sitting with him while she studied her cell phone which no doubt kept her from falling asleep herself.
It was a very strange phenomenon. It had never happened before. This is why I only invite people who are close friends these days. I haven’t the energy to apologize for that which I cannot control. They understand. Heaven-only knows what they say to one another when they leave our home.
Hubby awakened only for very short spurts and had a bite to eat. I was quite concerned that with so much sleep, he would be awake all night. He slept through the night as well.
This morning the sound of non-stop pronouncements (from Hubby…who else could it be?) turfed me out of my bed. No option but to check out the fracas in the next room.
Hubby was staring at his four morning pills. Lately he has been rebelling against the constant flow of pills which actually keep him alive and make life bearable for us all. He is questioning whether the pills are the correct ones. Who put them in the small glass bowl? How much did they cost? We don’t pay for them… do we? Is the newspaper free? Who is in charge of the newspaper? Who is in charge of the pills? He does not ask this once, but repeats the questions every thirty seconds. I ask him to please stop talking. I drop the “please.” Then I drop the word “talking.” Now I am just asking him to “stop!”
Hubby’s obsession with how much everything costs is out of control. I now tell him that “everything is free.” The government pays for everything. Of course, they do! Whatever will make Hubby content is the goal of all concerned.
Violet is hiding in the kitchen. I peek inside to see if she is okay.
“He already fired me this morning!” She said, smiling.
Hubby clearly was unwilling to trust her with the pills. It was predictable, as it had been twelve hours since his last calming medications had been ingested and they only last three hours. We were into a nine-hour deficit. The challenge before me was to calm Hubby enough that he would be willing to take the medications which make our lives tolerable.
The front page of our newspaper was waiting for him. Rockets were being shot into Israeli cities from Gaza and essentially war had begun again. He was not aware of this, although it was the lead story with photographs. This is good, as it would only cause fear if he understood. Eventually I was able to coax him to take his meds, swearing with every ounce of sincerity, that they were the correct ones.
It is moments like these when I ponder the many millions of families who are caring for a loved one with dementia. So many of them are experiencing mornings like these but have not discussed the issues with a geriatrician or their family doctor. When I speak with others who say that they do not have medications to calm their loved one, my heart aches for them. As I communicate with people around the globe, I am aware that the cost of a doctor’s appointment can keep some away from critical medical assistance, but the cost of the stress they encounter is far greater than the deficit would be in their bank account. Some people are so entrenched in their holistic ideologies that they avoid getting medical assistance for their loved ones. Not taking advantage of the medications which help to calm the dementia mind, is damaging not only to the patient, but to the caregiver. This is a partnership where the patient is only part of the equation. Calming the patient makes their life better, but what it does for those around them is even more critical.
Hubby is now calm. He agreed to take his pills almost an hour ago. He is now reading the newspaper and no longer asking me whether we pay for it, or for his pills. His mind is not racing. He is trying to understand what he is reading.
He asks me about the headlines. They confuse him. He asks me to read them aloud to see if they make more sense. He asks me what the initials are… PIJ…IDF…PA…PM..UAE…PRC…IAEA…UAV…NIH…NGO…IMF…ATM… and the list goes on and on. Who ever noticed that we use so many abbreviations when we communicate? His brain is still searching to understand. It is working very hard and unwilling to admit defeat.
Hubby is announcing that his “tea is cold.” But he is drinking coffee. We understand. He wants more and wants it to be hot.
He turns on the charm. “Where is my lovely girl?” He is referring to Violet who is making more coffee in the kitchen. She comes to pick up his coffee cup and she is laughing: “So, we are friends now!” Everyone is in good humor. Hubby announces that he loves me and he is once again fascinated by the newspaper.
Now that he has been re-assured that everything is free, he is ready to face the day ahead, secure in the knowledge that all is as it should be.
