Our Stars
One should not presume that because a person has reduced cognition, they are necessarily unhappy. This morning Hubby was in good form and as he was dunking his ginger snaps into his coffee mug with an ice cube added as per his instruction.
His morning review of the headlines of the day’s newspaper is always a treat. “To save one life is to save the world entire,” was a quote from the Talmud which caught his eye and he declaimed the words as though he himself had written them. He was looking at our weekend paper. Having done so, he then announced:
“I don’t agree, people can’t count.”
His eyes then scanned another section and saw a photograph of a pretty blonde woman. He spoke to her directly “Hello Lovely girl. What a pretty dress!”
I looked at the photo and it was Marilyn Monroe, indeed a beautiful girl, grasping the skirt of her famous white dress as the wind was lifting it up into the air in the film “Some Like It Hot.”
“She looks so happy! I don’t half-love you Barbara!” Hubby exclaimed and then added:
“It is always so nice to see her.”
Who are you talking about now?
“Marilyn Monroe. I saw her yesterday when I rang the bell. ” Hubby continued:
“The biscuits all taste really nice.” (These are the same ginger snaps as every morning with his coffee. He is clearly enjoying them once again.)
“You make a nice cup of coffee.” Hubby rarely compliments anything these days, so my response was;
You are in a really good mood today! I think the sweet bug bit you.
Violet was humming in the kitchen as she prepared Hubby’s breakfast. It was a bit like an impossible dream, but we were grateful for this pleasant time together.
Hubby’s eyes were scanning the floor near the dining table. I asked:
What are you looking around for?
“It’s the dog, where is he?”
We do not own a dog, nor did we borrow one to confuse hubby. We used to have a dog, many as a matter of fact. The last one was named “Lully,” a Shih Tzu. Before that we had Yoffi and Dodi, two Cocker Spaniels, surely, he was looking for one of those?
Nothing about this morning is upsetting for Hubby. That automatically improves our day immensely. As long as we are vigilant about giving him his dementia medications on time, he can remain on an even keel and quite enjoy his morning regime. When we are late in giving the medications, we can be met with a clenched fist daring us to try to force him to consume them and accusations that we are trying to poison him.
I cannot begin to imagine how families who decline taking their loved ones with cognitive impairment to a doctor, even begin to survive the ups and downs of the chaos which can come with the condition. I am searching for a segue to connect with what follows. I feel that I owe you a seamless transition which you will understand. It is frankly futile and I ask your forgiveness ahead of time.
Last night, I selected a film to watch on Video on Demand (VOD) which I thought Hubby might like. It was called “Gasoline Alley” and one of the stars was Bruce Willis. It was a 2022 film, and it was free to watch on VOD. It was frankly, Bruce’s name which caught my eye. Hubby and I have a bit of history with Mr. Willis. When Bruce and his then fiancé, Demi Moore, decided to get married with less than a week to make the preparations, Demi selected a fabric from our fabric store near Beverly Hills for her bridesmaid’s dresses. Demi was always a bit controversial, if you recall. She selected a very pretty black soft woven fabric for the bridesmaids’ dresses. Black for the wedding party? It simply wasn’t done in the 80’s. She adored testing society’s limits. She then demanded that the fabric be delivered to her within twenty-four hours. The problem was that she needed 50 yards and we had only 20. We were happy to order the fabric from New York, but even though money was no object and Demi was happy to have it flown overnight, it had to be arranged on the other end as well – not as simple as the Hollywood starlet seemed to presume. To make a long story, very short, Hubby and I found ourselves meeting the airplane in person at LAX to receive the large bolt of fabric to meet the star’s requirements.
Hubby loved to ski and our favorite resort was Sun Valley Idaho. It was also the home of Demi and Bruce and the place where they chose to raise their children. We often saw them on the slopes, and dined in the old-fashioned coffee shop which they famously owned on the main street of Hailey, Idaho where they resided. Hailey and Sun Valley Idaho are great hiding places for many stars, Tom Hanks built a large home there. We used to see Jodi Foster and many others in the local eateries. Evens stars get bored being at home all the time!
So enough of my digressing – back to Bruce and his movie. The movie was not only one of the worst movies that I have ever selected, but Bruce’s character was almost totally irrelevant to the story. I was searching to figure out just exactly who his character was supposed to be, and why it was written into the script at all. The more I watched for Bruce, the more obvious it became that his role had been reduced to shots of him standing in a scene, but not speaking. Sitting in a car with his police partner, looking important at a meeting, but saying nothing.
Then, I remembered why. In June of this year, Bruce Willis’ family announced that he would be retiring from acting. He was suffering from Aphasia, which is a disease of the brain which effects memory, speech and language. This is a classic form of dementia.
Upon doing further research, I discovered that Willis had accepted contracts and acted in 22 films in the four years prior to the announcement. Cast and crews of different films now recount that he could not remember his lines, or who his character was. One does not have to be brilliant to surmise that a man who charges one million dollars a day to be in a film can rake in a hefty sum over 22 films. The problem then, was for the directors who were expecting the old Bruce Willis to raise their film to great heights. Instead, they spent their energies reducing his roles in the films as much as possible, so that they could still use his name to attract viewers in the promotion of the film. It worked on me. That was exactly why I selected “Gasoline Alley.”
I am sharing this information about Bruce with you, dear diary, not because I wish to cast aspersions on him, or his condition. But rather, to remind those who feel that life’s unfair or cruel situations only happen to them, that they are in good company. Memory loss and dementia is an equal-opportunity condition. It can happen to kings and queens, movie stars, rock stars, politicians, the filthy rich, and to you and I. None of the people who suffer from dementia will remember their successes, their fame, their wealth nor their importance. That should give us all something to ponder.
An additional thought comes to mind. As Bruce was likely not the one to go after the twenty-two last minute cash-cows, it must have been a joint effort between his agent and family. The agent probably earned 10% or more on each contract, setting him/her in a good financial position, considering he/she was losing one of his/her best clients. It is hard to believe that Bruce actually needed the money. Mr. Google estimates Mr. Willis’ net worth at $250 million, having earned far more than that of course over a lifetime. Someone in his family is apparently worried that the loss of future income may somehow reduce their standard of living. Life can be tough for the stars of Hollywood.
In London, it was especially moving to follow the journey of Dame Barbara Windsor, the talented star of England’s “Eastenders” television series for eight full years. Her character was so central to the plot, that even when she took a break from the series, the story line often revolved around her. Barbara was a tour de force and lived in my neighborhood in the West End of London where I would see her frequently. Her husband Scott Mitchell now works on behalf of Alzheimer’s awareness and has shared that she began forgetting the lines of her script, as early as 2006. She was not diagnosed until 2014 and the public was unaware of her condition for another four years in 2018. The next year Dame Barbara Windsor and her husband Scott, joined forces with fundraising efforts on behalf of the UK Alzheimer’s Society and Alzheimer’s research, raising 6 million British pounds to help the battle against this ever-increasing worldwide condition.
When an actor or actress (or their family) is willing to go public with their experience of dementia, it serves as an inspiration to us all. It is another reminder that we must be willing to share our own journey with others, in order open the minds and hearts of those who have been kept in the dark about its experiences for far too long. When their families are prepared to join the fight against the disease that has slowly taken their loved one away from them, we appreciate that their fortunes and “star-isma” could help others as well as themselves. Hollywood stars are great at expounding their political views, but their ability to truly help others facing real-life issues crisis with their fame and wealth is indeed far more meaningful.
Sharing the two very different family reactions to their loved one’s cognition decline, is intended to give us all pause. Did Bruce’s family really need to push him to make more films when he could not be at his best? Perhaps there were other projects which would have given more understanding to the lives of others embarking on a similar trajectory? It becomes clear that the patient is not the one to make that decision, as their decline may make it impossible for them to consider the value that their life’s experiences might have for the public at large.
This is one of those moments when we, as family members, must decide whether we indeed would like to take the handful of lemons we have been dealt and make them into lemonade!
