Three Quarters Of A Century
Whilst caring for a loved one with cognitive decline it is not easy to find a reason to celebrate. My own birthdays have not been particularly easy for the past few years. For my 70th, I threw myself a lovely party at a favorite restaurant, and commemorated the day in style. In the past five years I held two special birthday parties for Hubby, one when he was 90 and then again last year when he turned 94. These are in addition to the one I threw for him when he turned 65 in Los Angeles and another lavish affair was twenty years later when he became 85 here in Jerusalem after surviving two bouts of cancer.
Knowing that I did not have the energy to throw myself another party, I still did not want the day when I became three-quarters of a century old. It was clearly up to me.
This reminds me of many years ago when we were still in business in Los Angeles and our son was fairly young. Hubby asked me if I would like to have a celebration in to renew our vows. He thought it was romantic, and indeed it was. However, my thoughts went into overdrive as I envisioned a faux hotel wedding, a massive reception, details galore, all of which would be my responsibility on top of running three retail stores and working 24/7. He was disappointed that I did not jump at the opportunity. Hubby was an idea man, and I was his executive assistant who brought his amazing visions to fruition (or so he believed)! I did not appreciate it when he referred to me as his “star quarter-back” when we were in business together for 25 years. That made him the owner of “Team Diamond” or its coach, and me a mere cog in his wheel of success.
Hubby’s moment of adoration with the idea of renewing our vows may have come as a result of a dear friend who is also a Rabbi, who asked if he could look at our religious wedding contract. Knowing him well, I said “Absolutely not!” He was stunned. “Why not?” The Rabbi, feigning innocence, responded.
“Because I will not allow you to look at it and tell me that it is not acceptable, and that Hubby and I have not been legally married for the past fifteen years!!!” That same Rabbi, whom we adored, had done exactly that with friends of ours who ended up flying him to Israel for a vow renewal, which we attended under the exquisite and ancient Hurva synagogue Arch within Jerusalem’s Old City walls.
I digress in order to explain that if there was going to be a celebration for me, then I, myself, was going to have to make it happen. No one else would. A dose of self-pity? No one is perfect!
Waking up on my birthday, I was already feeling a bit blue. Hubby would not even know it was my birthday. I was however, greeted with a gorgeous birthday cake that Violet had ordered with my name on it, and she and Hubby sang “Happy Birthday” to me. The day was beginning with joy. Sweet. A couple of friends called wanting to see us that day, so I invited them to join us for lunch at the Jerusalem Waldorf hotel. It is a beautiful setting, not somewhere we would go on an average day. While there, I received a phone call from a florist trying to deliver a bouquet from our dear friends in Berlin – that made the day very special indeed.
Then I decided that I really deserved a special birthday present. If not me, then who? If not now, then when? Hubby had asked not long ago whether I actually had a wedding ring. I think he wants to see me wear it so that I will be unavailable to his imaginary suitors who are forming a line to wine and dine me. I have no shortage of beautiful jewelry, but nothing that quite works every day as a wedding band. My favorite jeweler was having his first-ever sale… perfect timing. I picked out a very wide gold ring that looks like ten separate bands of gold, perfect for day wear. When I told Hubby that he had bought me a beautiful piece of jewelry for my birthday, he did not even ask me to show it to him. I have been wearing it ever since. He has not noticed.
For those of us caring for a loved one for years on end, a birthday is a grand time to treat yourself special. Waiting for others to do it for us may just take more time than we anticipated. Everyone else who might have gone out of their way had their own issues and other priorities, this year.
Every once in a while, it really is all about me. If you are caring for a loved one, make your next celebratory day, all about you! Don’t even consider feeling guilty about the indulgence! No one deserves it more!
