Shortly after the hospital’s main megillah reading last Purim, I encountered two teenagers in a hospital hallway. One looked like she was in shock; the other seemed close to tears. Both were holding a bag of gifts that looked as though they were sponsored by Hershey’s. I introduced myself and asked whether I could be of assistance. They had been roaming the hospital looking for patients to give mishloach manos to, and stumbled across a frail 93-year-old whose breathing was somewhat labored. The girls reported the conversation as follows (the parentheses are my attempt to convey the emotions they described):
Girls: (Cheerily) Hi, the nurse told us that you might appreciate a visit from us for Purim.
Patient: Honestly, I’ve had more than enough people disturb me today already.
Girls: We won’t stay long – we just wanted to give you a Purim gift.
Patient: Why?
Girls: There’s a tradition to give gifts on Purim.
Patient: (Increasingly bemused) Why? I haven’t celebrated Purim for 80 years. Why should I start now? What do you have in there anyway?
Girls: Chips, laffy taffy, hamantaschen, candy A, candy B, candy C.
Patient: (Moderately angry) I can’t eat any of that. I’m diabetic, have a heart condition, and have dentures. If you truly cared, you would have brought me something meaningful – a cigarette perhaps. Not candy bars.
Girls: You could give it to someone else… a family member?
Patient: They’re all overweight. I hardly think they need more junk food. And I barely see them nowadays anyway.
Girls: (Awkwardly) It’s OK. We can give it to another patient.
Patient: And poison them instead… (mumbling under his breath)
Girls: (Turning to leave) Happy Purim!
Patient: (Agitated, he raises his voice) My wife died two years ago at this time and the way I’m going, this Purim will probably be my last. Why should I be happy? Where will it get me?
Girls: (awkwardly) We are sorry for your loss.
Patient: (Bitterly) Sorry won’t bring her back. Next time pick someone else to do your tzedakah.
Girls: (hastily) Sorry. Bye.
After spending some time comforting these two young women, I reflected on the many calls I get before each of the Yomim Tovim from well-meaning community members that often don’t understand what they may be walking into when they visit a hospital. Here are some guidelines that I hope will be useful for individuals/groups that wish to prepare gifts and/or support patients by visiting before other Yomim Tovim or in fact any day of the year.
- Don’t just show up and ask for lists of Jewish patients. Legally, healthcare facilities cannot disclose information about their patients. If you want to visit patients that you do not know, work with the chaplaincy team (well) in advance to see who would appreciate a visit. Patients are people too. They deserve privacy as much as anyone else. Just as you wouldn’t appreciate someone walking into your home uninvited, know that many patients are wary of people walking into their hospital room uninvited.
- Be prepared. Whether or not you know the patient, are you (and anyone that accompanies you) prepared for how patients may look or act? Even the strongest individuals may be emotionally, spiritually, and physically weakened by their illness and may act/react in unusual ways. If you are bringing a child, are there ways you can prep them for seeing adults or kids that are disfigured, immodestly clad, in pain/suffering, dying, and/or connected to medical devices.
- Get the flu shot. Without it, you put yourself and others at risk. In all 21 Northwell Health hospitals (known as North Shore LIJ prior to 2016), patient safety always comes first; any employee that has not had the flu shot must wear a mask in all patient care areas during flu season. We all want patients to get better, not, chas v’shalom, sicker.
- Know before you go. Is the person/people you are visiting scheduled for surgery? They may be prohibited from eating before surgery so bear this in mind before you offer them food, especially an elaborate mishloach manos.
- Are they diabetic? How will you know? (Many patients that see you holding a beautiful gift are unlikely to disclose that they are diabetic and risk forfeiting your gift). Assuming they are, how will you determine which food items are safe for them, and what is the best time of day to offer it to him/her? What about those on low sodium, renal, or other diets?
Many of us have given or received a themed mishloach manos. (One of my favorites was a Pesach theme; instead of accumulating more chametz, all the items could be put aside for Pesach.) When considering items for our mishloach manos we often give special thought to the recipient’s need for yashan products, pas/chalav yisrael, etc. Can we give equal (or more) consideration to the nutritional content of our gifts, and educate our kids to do the same. March is National Nutrition month. Our salvation on Purim gives us pause each year to re-celebrate and re-appreciate our lives: what better season to focus on extending our lives by adopting healthier eating habits.