Chapter Three
Shattered Illusions
In the previous installment, we learned that the ego does everything it can to avoid making eye contact with the truth. But when the pain of reality forces its way in, we become detached – separated from the collective illusion we once believed in. For a brief moment, so much feels irrelevant. The ego loses its grip, its voice muted. This flash of perspective shifts us into an undistorted reality, bluntly exposing that the world we may have heavily invested in is not real. Its value drops to zero.
When the ego is engaged, it dictates what matters. But in this space, we can’t access it; we have little or no connection to the reality we’ve been thrust into. There is nothing to hold onto – neither the illusion of reality nor reality itself. The sharp pain of futility, coupled with the shame of wasted pursuit and potential, fills us with fear and anxiety. Our reality is turned upside down, leaving us to reorient ourselves without a true north. Our emotional foundation is shaken because the framework of our reality has collapsed.
Logically, when an egocentric person’s ego deflates, their sense of identity collapses, leaving them disoriented and unmoored – a deeply terrifying experience. In contrast, when a person grounded in reality faces a challenge, their perspective sharpens, bringing greater clarity. Life’s challenges either dismantle our world or affirm it.
Life and Death
This world is temporary, and we will all inevitably leave it for the Next World, the ultimate and enduring reality. Yet we often push this truth out of our minds, living as though it will never happen. That is, until a reminder forces us to confront it. This results in an emotional earthquake because, as we explained, (a) it upends our construct of reality (“I thought this world was real”), and (b) it disrupts our sense of control (“Aren’t I supposed to be in charge?”).
The impact compounds.
Whatever we value heightens our sensitivity to its pleasures and pains, though the trade-off is inherently lopsided. A stressor can be either gashmi (material and ego-driven, tied to status, wealth, or vanity) or ruchani (spiritual and soul-based, rooted in morality and personal growth). The ego-centered person is particularly vulnerable to ruchani stressors for the reasons outlined above and also experiences gashmi challenges more intensely.
(Please note that he endures growing pains without actual growth because only ruchani stressors offer the opportunity for perspective and ego diminishment. Gashmi stressors force the ego to dig in deeper and further entrench itself in a distorted worldview.)
As we increasingly identify with the ego, we come to believe it is the real “I” and must be protected at all costs. Threats to the ego – such as insults, offenses, rejection, and failure – are perceived as existential dangers, making us feel as though our very lives are at risk. Despite the infrequency of the pain, the persistent fear of experiencing it, whether for the first time or again, keeps us in a state of constant suffering. This anticipation creates a cycle of anxiety and stress, with the fear itself often becoming more debilitating than the pain it anticipates. We confine ourselves to an ever-shrinking world, taking fewer chances and living more predictably. Our sole focus becomes avoiding pain, which stifles growth and keeps us from living meaningful, fulfilling lives.
Even on ordinary days, we are left perpetually on edge because our lives become a series of choreographed distractions aimed at warding off reality. The Chazon Ish (Emunah U’Bitachon 2) explains that emunah, like bitachon, exists on a continuum, and the depth of our emunah correlates with how deeply we perceive the Creator’s wisdom in His creation.
Each moment offers an opportunity to gain perspective, but we often overlook it because we fail to notice what is right in front of us. As a result, most people gain perspective only through significant life events or extraordinary circumstances. The more self-absorbed we are, the more dramatic the experience must be to shift our focus beyond ourselves.
The clearer our perception of reality, the more each moment reinforces our emunah. In contrast, those who deny the truth must continually adjust their experiences, filtering their lives through an ego-distorted lens. This ongoing process is cognitively and emotionally exhausting, requiring constant vigilance to guard against the intrusion of reality.
In the following installments, we will see how routinely indulging in immediate gratification or living to protect and project an image inflates the ego, shielding us from guilt and shame. But this defense comes at a cost: our perspective shrinks, trapping us in a world where we see more of ourselves and less of reality. When a person loses their ability to see, accept, and respond to reality, they haven’t just lost perspective – they’ve lost their sanity.
(To be continued)
