Chapter Five
Clarity of Reality
Before eating from the Eitz HaDaas (“Tree of Knowledge”), Adam had no yetzer hara (“ego”). This force, represented by the serpent, existed outside of him, leaving his perception pure and unfettered. The yetzer hara entered only after Adam ate from the tree and became aware of the distinction between good and evil, fundamentally shifting his perspective (see Rashi on Bereishis 2:25). Man’s awareness was downgraded from the objective lens of “truth and falsehood” to the subjective experience of “good and bad” (see Rambam, Moreh Nevuchim 1:2). After the sin, human beings would forever see the world through the cloudy lens of “I” – the ego.
We learned that routinely giving in to immediate gratification or living to protect and project an image causes the ego to swell as a defense mechanism against guilt and shame. As a result, our perspective narrows– we see more of ourselves and less of the world, making us increasingly sensitive and unstable. (Parenthetically, his explains why someone with a narrow perspective, like a child, often becomes agitated over minor obstacles or setbacks. Small children, lacking access to the higher levels of the yetzer tov, are egocentric. They react to their environment with sudden tantrums, mindless exuberance, wild mood swings, and a black-and-white view of events. They are quick to misread or misinterpret others’ behavior and overreact to perceived insults, slights, and criticism.)
When a person loses their sanity – the ability to see, accept, and respond to reality– they have lost all perspective.
The more responsible our choices → our self-esteem increases → our ego shrinks → our perspective widens → undistorted reality → see and accept the truth (even when difficult or painful) = positive emotional health → act responsibly.
The less responsible our choices → our self-esteem decreases → our ego expands → our perspective narrows → distorted reality → unable or unwilling to see and accept the truth (when difficult or painful) = negative mental health → act irresponsibly.
The bigger the ego, the more vulnerable we become, intensifying our need to predict and control everything around us. We then seek out, see, and interpret the world to fit our narrative, rather than adjusting our worldview to fit reality. Mental health issues are inevitable when a person distorts reality to such a degree that it bears little resemblance to the truth.
Think of it this way: The less grounded we feel, the more we tend to see the world in absolutes. Our ego hardens the lines around us, fortifying the shape of our identity. Labeling and categorizing provide an illusion of security, but this process ultimately destabilizes our emotional well-being. It signals to our subconscious that we are not safe and cannot remain open to the unknown.
Control and Personality
As the ego grows and our perspective narrows, unhealthy aspects of our personality begin to surface, filtered through the prism of our insecurities. This inevitably leads to changes in personality and may even give rise to psychological disorders. Psychological disorders are commonly classified as ego-dystonic or ego-syntonic. Ego-dystonic disorders, which cause distress and discomfort, typically manifest as mood disorders like depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety.
Sufferers often experience negative thoughts, rumination, and self-focus, while others may display hostility and impulsivity. They tend to be hypersensitive to everyday stressors, easily overwhelmed, and emotionally reactive, which makes managing stress and thinking clearly a challenge. In contrast, personality disorders are ego-syntonic; from the sufferers’ standpoint, their thoughts, behavior, and feelings are integral parts of their identity. Even when others believe they have a disorder, individuals often refuse to look inward, instead assuming that everyone else is the problem – not them.
We understand that ego and self-esteem are inversely related: no matter how confident or content someone appears, an egocentric person wrestles with feelings of inferiority and self-loathing. For example, a common misconception is that narcissism stems from excessive self-esteem. In reality, it arises from deep self-hatred and is considered the most shame-driven of all personality disorders. Narcissists have increased physiological reactivity to emotional distress and stress-response systems (activation of the fight-flight-freeze response), which are particularly susceptible to everyday frustrations. They have an elevated output of the stress biomarkers cortisol and alpha-amylase when they experience negative emotions. In plain language, they may mask it better than others, but brain chemistry reveals the truth: a larger ego correlates with heightened levels of anxiety and depression.
No matter how maladjusted, people with personality disorders still crave connection. Driven by an underlying sense of inferiority and a belief in their unworthiness of love, their ego exerts control in a futile attempt to establish a connection. In fact, nearly every emotional illness is rooted in the need to control. Anxiety disorders like phobias, panic disorder, and OCD; mood disorders including depression and bipolar disorder; and certainly personality disorders, all share an underlying drive to exert unhealthy control over others or their environment. A person with theoretical 100 percent self-esteem – and zero ego – would feel no need to control others or the world around them. Instead, they would understand that their true domain lies only in their own choices, reaching the heights of bitachon and tranquility.
(To be continued)
