Anger, often mislabeled as the “problem child” among emotions, is actually misunderstood and unfairly maligned. It’s a natural human emotion, like a mother bear’s instinctive protection of her cub. Anger acts as a protective mechanism, alerting us when our boundaries are crossed or values are at stake. The challenge isn’t in avoiding anger but in how we handle it.
To effectively manage anger, it’s essential to relinquish the need to control the upsetting event and the subsequent thoughts and feelings. You don’t have to like those experiences, just acknowledge and accept them.
Notice how anger physically manifests in your body. These sensations are integral to your emotional response, helping you tolerate and regulate your feelings, and they offer a timely cue for mindful intervention, before it’s too late. Note your resistance to these distressing feelings, and allow yourself to soften it. Avoiding or suppressing anger only breeds resentment and further distress.
Observe your thoughts, recognizing them as simply thoughts, not facts. Edit them in your mind by simply adding beforehand: “I notice I am having the thought that…” This creates psychological distance, activating the brain’s wisdom and problem-solving areas, allowing a more balanced perspective of both the situation and your reactions.
In essence, by accepting our anger, we can actually embrace it and tap into it as a means for self-discovery, growth, and connection. Whether you work on it yourself or with a good therapist, this approach enables us to respond in effective ways that foster compassion and respect for ourselves and those around us.
