“Is everything okay?” I asked the doctor. I was expecting, and watching as she performed the first ultrasound.
“I see a blood clot close to the baby.”
My heart dropped.
“I once saw a patient with a huge clot and I thought that her baby wasn’t going to live. Fortunately, she had a full-term, healthy baby. Anything is possible.”
I felt uncertain and even helpless. I visualized myself leaning back into Hashem’s presence. I have no choice but to give it to G-d. I realized my body was Hashem’s vessel, and the outcome was in His hands.
That day, in a rare moment of clarity, I crowned Hashem my King and I surrendered. Afterwards, I was able to continue on with a calmness I didn’t previously feel.
That moment was a personal Rosh Hashana for me. When I felt anxious or fearful, I was able to remember that crowning Hashem gives peace of mind.
Each Rosh Hashana, we crown Hashem as Creator and King of the universe. To really believe this requires tremendous humility.
On Rosh Hashana, what is meant to happen for the entire year is predetermined. This can be frightening, but we must allow ourselves to lean into Hashem’s presence, and embrace any outcome.
With gratitude to Hashem, I gave birth on Rosh Hashana that year to a healthy girl. We named her Livia, which means “to crown.” This year, may we all learn to crown Hashem, and in return may He fill us with unbounded blessings!
