For my children, the word fleishigs became taboo. It was as if they ever ate it they would starve afterwards for the rest of the day. When I asked why, one of them explained, “I won’t be able to have my coffee yogurt.” Dairy seemed to take precedence in my home. I recently learned that FOF means “fear of fleishig” – that condition that drives kosher-observing individuals to double- and triple-question their decision to eat anything fleishig because once you have that one bite, you’re “banned” from having anything dairy for the next 1, 3 or 6 hours. It’s easier to just say no.
No one will ever get to the bottom of why we are meant to not eat milk and meat together since it’s a chok. So why have commandments we don’t get? I once heard a beautiful thought that gave some clarity. On our life’s journey we will have moments of certainty when we see the hand of G-d. Then there will be moments when we are confused and lost, not truly understanding G-d. In those times, one is still obligated to follow the Torah. Kashrut is meant to teach us to follow even though we don’t comprehend. Hopefully through certain laws we build those muscles to develop a relationship and connection with Hashem that is not solely based on understanding but rather one of acceptance.
My home is still one that has plenty of FOF and I pray and hope for a home full of acceptance and love.
