The Torah states in Bereishit 2:24 that “A man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife.” As we saw in the recent Olympics relay races, the baton is passed forward and the passer steps away; so too when a man or woman marries, parents have to let go of their “biological baton.” Tragically, some parents, especially mothers of sons, never got the memo. Many marriages have been ruined by shviggers who could or would not recognize and respect their young couple’s boundaries.
Chronic discord with in-laws undermines marriages.
Often it is the husband who doesn’t have the emotional maturity or backbone to “cleave” to his wife and stand up to his mother who insists that she knows what’s best. Someone very close to me was instructed to always listen to his mother’s advice because she knows everything. He in fact would give his wife the cold shoulder if she even expressed an opposing opinion, even in personal choices such as the color of their bedroom carpet. The marriage didn’t last more than a couple of years.
An engaged couple has chossen and kallah classes. I imagine that beyond learning marital halacha, their teachers also impart the middot necessary to make each partner feel respected and loved. I strongly suggest that first-time future in-laws be required to take such classes to learn how to properly interact with the new couple.
