You know that nice custom of wishing people an easy, yet meaningful Yom Kippur? That might be possible if you are spending the day in shul davening.
As my favorite Jewish comedian Mordechai Schmutter says, if you think a fast day is slow in shul, wait until you have kids. Rabbi Fishel Schechter summarizes the experience of the average woman very well: you eye the clock, and then you rush up the stairs to get one kid into the bathroom on time, run downstairs to get another one grape juice, clean up, and settle fights, and then you check the clock again and realize that all of ten minutes have passed.
Now, I’m not trying to minimize the holy work of raising children. Let’s take a minute to relate the famous story of Rav Levi Yitzchok of Berditchev who was nowhere to be found one Yom Kippur night. The congregants, waiting for Kol Nidrei, decided to go search for him. They found the great rav rocking a baby whose mommy had left him behind to go to shul.
Isn’t that a nice story?
Sure, but when you are in the trenches, it’s not much of a comfort. So what to do?
Firstly, prepare your body properly before the fast: Eat healthy whole grains, fresh fruit and vegetables, and lean, low-sodium protein, drink lots of water, cut down on caffeine if possible, and, most importantly, get lots of sleep in the nights leading up to the fast, because you will be tired enough on the actual fast. There is no need to compound the situation.
Secondly, buy special nosh and toys for the kids. Just don’t overestimate your children’s ability to share, their need for you to play with them, or your baby’s ability not to break the games because allowing that to happen will ruin any benefit of those special treats. Hone in on games that inspire creativity, such as dollhouses and easy building games, letting the children know in advance you will not be available to supervise their fights.
If you generally limit the amount of junk food your children eat (and kudos to you if you do), today is the day to break all rules. Nosh will encourage the kids to let you sleep, prompt them to clean up, and perhaps allow you five minutes of peace to pray on this Judgment Day.
Prepare food that the children can eat by themselves but won’t make a huge mess, such as whole-wheat pretzels, cheese sticks, fruit slices (prepared the day before and sprinkled with a little lemon juice to prevent browning), bananas, raisins, cereal and juice boxes. Cold chicken sandwiches can be made in advance and are great self-service items for when the children are ready for something a little more substantial.
Although you may just want to lie on the couch, it’s worthwhile to take a walk outside if you are lucky enough to have an eruv or a mobile baby. Socializing and commiserating with other women in your position is energizing with the added benefit of keeping you from staring at the clock, thereby making the time go by that much faster.
One more gem from Rabbi Schechter. Raising and tending to children is the greatest mitzvah as we are literally producing the next generation of Jews. Therefore, as you go through the day, wiping and admonishing and kissing, pray for the health and success of your children, your marriage, and Klal Yisrael. You just might manage to add some meaning to your very long day.
And if this is all for naught, just keep repeating the mantra to yourself, “It’s just one day, it’s just one day.” Hashem ya’azor!