Purim is nearly upon us. Many of you are veteran hostesses and others veteran guests. Still others will be changing what they have done it the past. No matter which category you fall into, newlywed or Bubby hosting myriads of children and grandchildren and everything in between, learning from other’s experiences can surely help. Yes, even if you have done it for decades – and I thank those who have for sharing their tips – you can still learn a trick or two.
First and foremost is always davening for success. Yes, we need siyata D’Shmaya even for mitzvos! Who hasn’t had well made plans go awry, or thrown together a marvelous seuda without planning weeks in advance? It is all in His hands, so start by asking Him for help!
Along with that, remember not to sabotage your efforts by speaking loshon hara. Purim, with its interpersonal mitzvos can be a major stumbling block. We need to be careful when discussing who to invite or whose invitation to accept, or even whom to call to for an invitation. Also some are under the impression that with all the clowning around, anything goes – but that is not the case! All of that can be a minefield, so tread carefully.
But there’s more. A beautiful concept, new to me when I first read about it in Chava Dumas’s book, Preparing for Pesach B’Simcha, is avoiding speaking loshon hara about mitzvos! Complaining about the work, people’s behavior, the mess and expense all fall under that category. Part of what can help us avoid those pitfalls is speaking positively – yes, fake it ’til you make it is fine. While we prepare, we can share our positive insights and how-tos, and recipes, and keep raising the happiness level all around.
Now for practical suggestions!
Plan early. At least know where you are going or whom you are hosting! If you are the host, even if you are a group, do invite your guests early. Those who wait for invitations are, sometimes, literally suffering waiting to be contacted. You will greatly enhance the chessed you are already doing by calling them ahead of time.
Think before inviting. Consider the number of children, behavior of husband or teens under the influence, and time attitudes to name just a few. Are you okay with many children playing mostly unsupervised? Do you have a plan of action to deal with those who have drunk too much? Do you like to begin on time and end by a certain hour or do you go with the flow? The Purim seuda is rather unique in these aspects and, depending on how flexible you and your family are, you may want to tread carefully.
Regarding children, best to be prepared. Select some age appropriate games/toys/crafts, preferably those that are sturdy, or that you do not mind tossing out after the seuda. Consider hiring a babysitter, or prepare some type of activity that will really engage them. Why not give them some props and a couple of ideas, and ask them to prepare a Purim-related play? Prizes may motivate them, and they are readily available in dollar stores.
Paper goods. The choices are many, but for some the cost can be an issue. Would one of your guests like to take care of this? As help is offered, see if that can be delegated. There are very cute stickers on the market, Purim theme and otherwise, that can be used to spruce up simpler (cheaper) patterns. Another idea is to alternate the settings in some way so that everyone can easily keep track of which cup/napkin/cutlery is theirs! It can be very attractive as well – different colors are very much in the spirit of Purim! If using plastic cutlery, consider the metallic type, which actually look authentic. They are usually stronger and add elegance.
Money saving tip – offset the cost by making it an investment! Instead of disposing, store the cutlery in a container with soapy water and wash it off the next day. Who wants to wash? Well, you did not have to wash the dishes or glasses, so this is a relatively small job… and it is still preferable to using real, since most of us do not have enough settings. Also, using real silverware with disposable dishes runs a great risk of accidental trashing of silverware!
Food. Although many like to prepare in advance, freeze and defrost, that generates many extra steps and the possibilities of error. Consider making simpler dishes that can be prepared and served fresh. Our favorite is chicken baked on rice/potatoes/sweet potatoes and eggplant – most of the main course in one dish! It can be put in the oven hours before the seuda, best if you bake it at about 300°F and for a long time. It is most delicious straight from the oven.
Serving roast? That can be put up early in the day and left to cook slowly as well, but not if you must have neat slices. Set up a big soup with all kinds of vegetables. No need to dice or grate, simple blend when the vegetables are soft (tip: for better blending, use a simple masher first!) then keep simmering until serving time. If need be, most vegetables can be cleaned or peeled, cut in half and frozen ahead of time without significant loss to flavor or nutrients.
How about delegating? As you invite other families offer them a choice of side dishes you would like to have, or ask them to bring one of their favorites. Don’t be shy; they are still saving tons of work by joining your seuda.
Set up. If you are able to set up the day before, that is best. If there are any children available – yours or any of your guests – this is a perfect job for them. Worried about dust, or insects? You can put a plastic table cover over the set table.
Seating. Place cards are fantastic organizers, and will help you begin on time. A soon as you have your guest list, plan the seating. It is not an easy task, and I personally try to delegate this to one of my married children. If you really cannot decide how to seat each person and are worried about insulting anyone, well it is Purim… write up the place card and then do a goral – assign your guests their seats according to their mazal! You can actually have this be part of the fun. Number each seat and prepare two bowls. Bowl number one contains cute Purim-motif pieces of paper (another use for those Purim stickers!) each with a seat number. Bowl number two has place cards, each filled in with the name of a guest – preferably written fancy or funny! Each guest draws a number and a card, and quickly finds their seat! Fits in perfectly with the Megillah!
Serving. If you have appropriate age children available, here is another great way to keep them busy, and help yourself at the same time. Prepare cute aprons, maybe with bow ties or other such details – you can generally find them in paper-goods stores. The children can decorate them before Purim as well, another good way to occupy them! When it is time to clear off or serve, ring a bell, or use any pre-arranged system. Your waiters will come running! We did this for a sheva brachos with nearly 100 attendees, putting young children ages 4-10 to work. We had cute signs and aprons, and of course prizes/treats. It was all organized ahead of time and the children and adults loved it. If this does not work for you, consider asking a few guests to take a turn helping.
Clean up. Here as well, plan ahead and put either children or guests to work. If organized ahead of time, everyone can plan accordingly and make themselves available as needed. Surprises are sometimes difficult to schedule, with advance warning it can actually be fun. Consider a mini-contest with prizes for those doing their part quickly. Make it interesting by assigning a color or type of item to be taken care of – this can be assigned by drawing lots as well. Warning – have your staff clear off all the non-trash items first!
Leftovers – some of us love them, others do not want to see them ever again. If you are in the second category, often guests can be persuaded to take some home, at least of any of the food they brought. If not, reconsider… after all – and here is a bonus tip – Pesach is around the corner!