No doubt in Ayelet’s sick, thin-skinned mind, anything less than total obedience is seen as rejection and betrayal.
I know of a couple who, just months into their marriage, had major shalom bayis issues. The wife’s father was aware of the situation, as his daughter constantly complained about how difficult and uncooperative her husband was, never listening to her. Daddy advisedhis son-in-lawthat if he wanted the marriage to work, he should give in to his wife 100% of the time – as he had with his own wife. This emasculated, emotionally abused man had long ago resigned himself to being married to a tyrant. His son in-law’s answer: “What you are suggesting is a dictatorship, not a marriage.” He eventually “emancipated” himself and got divorced. Years later he is sharing his life with a wife who is his partner, not a mad despot.
Chanan is arguably in for a lifetime of grief if he marries Ayelet. If he later attempts to divorce her, and there are children, she likely, out of rage and revenge for being “abandoned,” will brainwash them against him, insisting he is a monster, and she will do her best to sabotage any possible relationship – possibly even falsely accusing him of being abusive.
I am aware of several men who have living children but mourn them as if they were dead since they were cruelly and willfully prevented from being part of their lives.
Because of the children, many men and women do stay married to their abusive spouse and suffer miserably for years. They feel they must be there on a daily basis to give their children a fighting chance of growing up relatively healthy physically and emotionally.
The Ayelets of the world can be quite convincing as they create a false reality that they totally believe. My guess is that they do so to protect their fragile egos. Their tenuous self-esteem must be protected at all costs. They can never see themselves as being at fault, or lacking in some way, as it would confirm the shrill voice echoing from their childhood that they are gravely inadequate, bad or unworthy of being loved.
Like Molly, it is a real possibility that Chanan’s children will have no friends, no social life and no relationship with extended family because, as Chanan tells his rav, Ayelet “had broken off relationships with some of her friends and relatives because she had claimed they had turned against her.” Ayelet’s irrational personality will result in her peers avoiding her and, by extension, her children. Who wants a play-date with a child whose mother will go ballistic because, for example, “Are you trying to hurt my child by giving him junk food (candy)! Are you too lazy to cut up apples?!”
I have no doubt that Molly’s mother had no friends, no connections. She was a chesed project, not a beloved neighbor. And I have no doubt that Molly’s mother ensured that her daughter would not “walk away” from her by telling her that she was ugly and useless, and no one would want to be her friend. She may have even used the guilt trip, telling Molly she would kill herself if she deserted her. Molly’s spirit melted into compliance through the acrimonious criticisms, guilt or fear-mongering her mother spewed on a regular basis.
Molly died of cancer a few years later. My guess was she was in her early 50’s. I have no doubt that her mother never forgave Molly for dying; that she railed and seethed at her dead daughter’s grave for having the nerve to leave her.
I also have no doubt that Molly’s shattered neshama soared in a celestial express elevator to Olam Habah.