The late Lubavitcher Rebbe and his wife were childless. No doubt they prayed for a child with the same bitachon they did for others with fertility issues who approached them for a bracha – many of whom eventually had their anguished prayers answered. They unquestionably had great trust in Hashem. Yet it never happened for them. Should the community look at them and wonder if their emunah and bitachon was lacking and thus Hashem did not feel “obligated” to fix their problem?
When one child’s brain tumor is cured, and another with the same kind of tumor and treatments succumbs to his illness, is it because, the person did not trust Hashem enough as the writer seems to imply? Did one child’s family rely and trust Hashem more than the other child’s family so their child was cured and the other wasn’t?
It is so hurtful to heighten people’s sense of inadequacy and guilt in a matzav that is already horrendous and difficult to bear.
The fact is, we don’t know Hashem’s cheshbon. We don’t know why some outcomes are not what we ever would have imagined.
There are people who are walking miracles – who survived car crashes or diseases that should have killed them. And there are people who were debilitated or died prematurely because of a minor fall, or who were felled by a nick or small cut that caused a toxic infection.
How many thousands of cuts or scrapes have we all experienced over our lifetime that simply healed and left no lasting impact?
I remember bike-riding and because of a crack on the road that caught my wheel, I was sent flying in the air and landed on my back on the pavement, twice. Both times, to the amazement of passerbys, I got up, brushed myself off and continued riding.
Yet, I know of children (who tend to be flexible) who stepped off a low curb with their foot slightly twisted – and broke their ankle. Recently, during a Shabbat play-date, a toddler broke two bones in his arm and dislocated his elbow when he fell off the arm of a couch. (I am mentioning this in the hope of perhaps preventing future mishaps like this. Please do not allow your children to jump off of couches or chairs or steps. It may be fun and keep energetic kids occupied, but it can be dangerous.)
His parents are very genuine baalei teshuvah – and I have no doubt in my mind that their level of emunah and bitachon is way beyond mine. But I did not break a limb when I flew off my bike!
We don’t understand the “why” of our life as Hashem directs it and likely are not meant to.
Your bitachon and emunah will help you absorb and deal with the ups and the downs – not cause them. The good, the bad, and the ugly are not contingent on your faith – only your reaction to them is.