Otherwise, you can take it to Home Depot, and have them cut it in half, if you can find someone to help you over there. If you can’t, just find the “garbage can” aisle and leave it there.
But no, it’s not easy to get rid of it. That’s what they mean when they say “Lifetime guarantee.”
Dear Mordechai,
At what point can my wife and I tell people that we’re expecting?
R.Z., Riverdale
Dear R.,
WE are not expecting. Your wife is the one who’s expecting. So really, it’s her news and her decision. Sure, you have more responsibilities now, but that does not in any way equate with what your wife is doing.
But by all means, your newfound responsibilities are your news to share.
“I’ve been carrying the laundry basket up and down the stairs lately,” you can casually remark to the guys at shul. (AT shul, not DURING shul.) “Also, I’ve been scrubbing behind the toilet. And I found my old undershirt.”
“Mazel tov!” they’ll say, about the undershirt. The rest of it won’t faze them. Because honestly, even if you did tell your guy friends that you and your wife are expecting, men don’t really store that kind of information. In a few months, when you tell them that you had a baby, they’re going to frown and say, “Again? Didn’t you just have a baby like 3 months ago? I know you said something about a baby.”
But I definitely see why you couldn’t ask your friends this question. It’s for that same reason that I protected your identity by only providing your initials, your city, and the fact that your wife is pregnant but you haven’t told anybody.
Have any questions for “You’re Asking ME?” They should be with mazal.
