And of all the parts to make fun, you’re picking the makkos? The makkos are already fun! Also, we’re all pouring out wine because we don’t want to have so much fun – people got hurt – but look! A cute little dead bechor puppet!
And if you want to sell puppets, why not make puppets of things that can keep coming up throughout the Seder? Where are my Four Sons puppets? Or my Pharaoh puppet, actual size (with whip)?
Dear Mordechai,
How do I get the kids to help me clean for Pesach?
Feeling Ignored
Dear Feeling,
Threaten to make them eat cereal on the porch.
Another idea is to bribe the kids with Purim candy, or any of the other foods you’re trying to get rid of, such as cookies, pretzels, disappointingly empty ice cream cones, or straight barley.
“If you clean for Pesach, you can have an ice cream cone!” you can say. “With no ice cream! But not in the house.”
The teachers try to be helpful, though. Every year before Pesach the kids come home with a massive chart of everything they should be doing over vacation. There are boxes to check off for learning, davening, asking the Mah Nishtana (every day of vacation, apparently), and also for things like getting along with siblings, cleaning, etc. This way, if your kids, for example, clean, you can forget to make a check, because who has time to futz around with charts three days before Pesach? They’re lucky if you don’t accidentally throw them out.
So what’s going to happen is you’re going to sit down the night before they have to go back to school, and try to remember which specific days over the past 3 weeks each individual kid got along with his siblings. And which days he learned.
“The Seder is considered learning, right?”
“Which part? The part with the puppets?”
Or you can send in mitzvah notes, like, “Helped throw out his chart before Pesach.” But mitzvah notes only really work for the younger grades. Older kids don’t have to do mitzvos, or, if they do, they don’t have to expect people to make a big deal about it.
Dear Mordechai,
What’s the best way to break the middle matzah for Yachatz so that you get a bigger half and a smaller half?
Sixteen Shards
Dear Sixteen,
The best way to break it is in six easy steps:
1. Grasp the matzah in front of your face, like they do in the picture Hagaddah. This is why they make picture Hagaddahs. That, and keeping the kids awake.
2. Very carefully take one thumb and put it behind the matzah, approximately where you want it to break.
3. Very slowly, push your thumb forward so that it makes a small, thumb-shaped hole in middle of the matzah. I’ve done this at least 8 times. It definitely made the Seder more interesting for the kids.
4. The little piece that fell out of the middle is clearly smaller, and goes back between the other matzos. The rest of the matzah has to fit into your afikoman bag, which is generally made with no regard to the size of an actual matzah. These people know you’re supposed to use the bigger half, right?
5. Break the bigger half into a million tiny shards so it fits in the bag.
6. Stick the afikoman in your kittel. For fifty bucks a box, there’s no way you can let your kids steal this matzah. Who knows where they’re going to put it?