Question: What’s on your summer reading list?



 

 


I’m a little worried that voters will start doubting my military service much as they did that of Bush and Kerry when they were running for office. I’m taking the pre-emptive move of reading The American Civil War: A Hands On History by Christopher J. Olsen so that I can verify to the American public my exact whereabouts and actions during that war.


 — Sen. John McCain, presumptive GOP presidential nominee


 

 

 

 


            The public is already aware of my captivating rhetoric skills, but what troubles me is the accusation that due to my privileged background I can be snobbish and standoffish. Now that Hillary Clinton and I are campaigning together, this is a good opportunity to showcase my interpersonal skills. Of course this will take major effort on my part so I’m reading Working Relationships: The Simple Truth About Getting Along with Friends and Foes at Work by Bob Wall because “Yes I can!


 — Sen. Barack Obama, presumptive Democratic presidential nominee


 


 

 

 


             This has been a very prosperous season for Saudi Arabia and especially for me as president of the High Council for Petroleum and Minerals. The infidels have been consuming large quantities of our oil like swine at the trough. With all this overabundance of revenue I’ve taken out a subscription to Decorating Digest: Craft & Home Projects magazine, so I can learn how to encase my head garb with Svorvsky crystals and decorate my new missile launcher with an “I © Jihad” motif. 

 — King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia

 

 


 


WWE Smackdown! Shut Your Mouth by Bryan Stratton. I love the smell of victory and the kill of the fight no matter if it’s in a courtroom or in a wrestling ring. There’s something about pounding down your opponents until they shrivel up and cry that just makes for a relaxing summer read while sipping lemonade at the beach.


 — Gloria Allred, feminist attorney


 


 


 

 

 

Now that American philanthropist S. Daniel Abraham won’t return my collect calls, I have to seek out an alternative means of gold digging. Sean Kingsley wrote a book last summer called God’s Gold: One Man’s Quest for the Lost Temple Treasures of Jerusalem, which I started to read before being rudely interrupted by missing soldiers, displaced West Bankers, terrorism, and other nonsense. This book discloses the final resting place of the golden candelabrum and other holy relics lost when Roman soldiers ransacked the Temple of Jerusalem, so this will be very beneficial for me.

 — Ehud Olmert, Israeli prime minister

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Ita Yankovich
Ita Yankovich is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in various Jewish and secular publications. She also teaches English and Literature at Kingsborough College and Touro College. She can be reached at [email protected].

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