And no, I don’t expect you to stay there on the floor of the dais until the Wednesday preceding the second Friday of the month, waiting for me to get back to you about what you should do. But my answer is like when you have an argument with someone, and then the next week, in the shower, you suddenly think of ten things you should have said.
That’s me. I make jokes to help you get over the disaster.
But you don’t have to wait for disaster to strike. You can also ask me about basic facts, or even random observations that you’ve had, like, “How come when my wife asks me to remind her of something and we both forget, it’s my fault, but when I ask her to remind me of something and we both forget, it’s also my fault?”
There’s no answer to that question, but that’s my problem, not yours.
And speaking of writing in,
Dear Readers,
What should I call my upcoming book?
So I’ve just been informed by my publisher that my next book is coming out this fall, Jewish Time, and the deadline for it is June. So I’d better start working on it.
Luckily, it’s mostly going to be a collection of articles that have appeared here, or in Hamodia, or on Aish.com. It will also include some additional material, provided I can think of any.
The question is, what should the book be called? I can’t just call it, “Another (Expletive) Collection of Mordechai Schmutter Articles,” can I? Also, what should we put on the cover?
So in the past, I’ve reached out to my readers, asking them to think of a title, with a free book going to whoever sent in the one I’d eventually use. And I got an enormous number of responses, probably because I offered a prize.
But this time, it happens to be that I already have a working title that I might go with. Someone sent it in for the last book (Cholent Mix) after I’d already settled on a title (Cholent Mix, pay attention). The title that she sent was “Jewish Time,” named after the time period in which most of my articles are submitted, all of my books come out, and most of our simchas begin.
But even if I go with this title, I need people to help me come up with a title for my next book, so that it could maybe come out when I first announce that it will, because to have the book after Jewish Time comes out in Jewish time will just be confusing to everyone.
And of course, anyone who sends in a title that I end up using gets a free copy of… Well, we don’t have a name yet. That’s kind of the point.
And in the meantime, I’m also looking for some other ideas for Jewish Time. An idea for the cover picture, for example. What would be a good cover for a book called Jewish Time that would convey the idea of the title, but also show that it’s a book of humorous articles and not a book about fitting Mincha into your workday?
“Okay, conference call is over. It’s Jewish Time!”
I’m also looking to put in some Jewish-time related bonus material. Do you have any funny stories involving instances of Jewish time that I can make fun of, possibly not using your real name, especially if it involves your wife? Or husband.
Everyone who writes in with an idea that I use will be entered into a raffle to win a free copy of Jewish Time, assuming we call it Jewish Time. I’m still waiting for the publisher to approve that title.