Sari naively accompanied her husband, Eli, to his fantasy football draft at Moishe’s house across the street. “I felt I wanted to be more of a part of my husband’s life, to get involved in the things he was involved with, share the stuff he enjoys,” she explained. Apparently, Sari had read some books on how to build a successful marriage but clearly she had not read the right books. The books she read certainly did not mention Rule #1: A wife should never accompany her husband to hang out with his buddies at a fantasy football draft. Unless beer and cigars are her thing, that is. And oh yeah, football. But not just football, fantasy football. Or it could be fantasy baseball, for that matter.
Sari, as it turns out, does love sports which is perhaps why she was led to this erroneous conclusion that accompanying her husband would be something that would bring them closer together. The difference is, she enjoys playing sports. She is out there with her kids in the summer playing catch, running bases, even shooting baskets. Her boys tell her she’s the best catcher in the neighborhood and that nobody’s mom can play like her. But when it comes to sitting and watching a game, well, that was never her thing. And when it comes to making up a team and fantasizing about them playing against a friend’s fantasy team, well, that is beyond comprehensible in her book. However, many Orthodox Jewish men, and even some women, find it totally comprehensible, as there are dozens of fantasy football leagues in the Orthodox world – all across the United States.
There are four major websites, ESPN.com, Yahoo.com, CBSSports.com, NFL.com, that sponsor fantasy football. And these companies sure know men because they are raking it in. It works like this: 12-15 like-minded males of any age get together and decide to form a league. Women are welcome to join as well or form their own leagues. (I haven’t done the research but my guess is there are not quite as many girls’ leagues as guys’ leagues.) Each individual in the league forms his own football team, which he will then play against the other league members’ teams throughout the (real) football season, culminating in the playoffs and then the Super Bowl. All fantasy, of course.
This draft takes place before the beginning of the football season. On each league member’s computer screen is a list of the real football players on all the teams in the NFL (National Football League) and league members get to bid on which ones they want to acquire for their fantasy team. If more than one member wants the player, they bid against each other. The highest bidder wins. Each player starts off with $200 (not real) to bid with. The draft typically takes about 2 ½ hours, although depending on the diversions in the draft room, it might drag on for longer. After the teams are formed and everybody goes home, the real fun begins. Depending on how serious you are about the sport, you might find yourself watching every single football game that season to find out how your team players are doing.
Even though in real life the players are on all different teams, if they do well (on their real team) it’s good for the fantasy team. You can tell how good a player is doing by the number of points he compiles over the course of the regular season. The two fantasy teams with the combination of players that have performed the best in each league are the teams that will get to play against each other in the fantasy Super Bowl and the best performing players on their respective teams will win the fantasy Super Bowl. While the genuinely serious folks (read: obsessed) play for (real) money, in the case of Sari’s husband, Eli, the winner of his league’s Super Bowl gets to sponsor a kiddush for all the members.
Getting back to Sari and her naiveté. Although they could have done their picks via computer, each from their own homes, these guys, like those in many other leagues, made it into a party. One guy who had recently moved out of town even drove the hour and a half back just to be at the draft. (Wonder how his wife felt about that!) Eli and his buds were already grouped around the table, laptops in front of them, glued to their screens, eyes swiveling up and down checking what name had just come up and what was being bid for him, empty beer bottles in front of every one of them, when Sari walked in. “Hey, I know a great cigar lounge, it’s a really chilled place,” one fellow called out, “You guys gotta come with me one time.”
One guy who insisted his Internet reception was better in the kitchen was in there by himself, periodically calling out his picks. Remnants of spicy chili and potato kugel were on the table. At the end of the long dining room table sat Moishe’s wife, Brocha who motioned to Sari to sit next to her. Brocha loves fantasy football and was busy forming her own team. (I guess this lends truth to the adage “A match made in Heaven.”) Brocha had even done a mock draft in the morning to help refine her strategy. Sari, on the other hand, felt somewhat shell shocked.
She shook her head. These guys are so intense about this. They actually honestly care about who they’re going to pick for their fantasy team, a fake team, that will never even play a real game, she thought. She looked around the table. When they weren’t going out for a smoke, the men were hotly debating Adrian Peterson’s record last year and why Drew Brees was an excellent fantasy pick. They knew how each player had done in the past and what his stats were since his rookie days. It was good that Brocha was there because she was able to explain the whole process. “Running backs are important picks. You want good ones,” she said. “They get you a lot of points…for every 10 yards that the player runs with the ball, you get one point. Now, how much should I bid for this tight end? I need a good tight end,” she muttered to herself. And so they continued for 3 hours, passionately debating the quality of each of the quarterbacks, running backs, tight ends, wide receivers, kickers and team defenses. At 1:00 a.m. they were still at it. Sari decided it was time for her to take herself home.
She realized she would need some time to ponder G-d’s wisdom in creating such inherent differences in man and woman and then asking them to live together in harmony.
At the end, though, she had to admit defeat.