{Originally posted to the SATIRICAL PreOccupied Territory website}
Khan Yunis, September 11 – Worshipers hoping to have sweets on hand to mark eighteen years since nineteen Al-Qaeda hijackers killed nearly three thousand people in a group of coordinated attacks in the US faced disappointment this morning upon learning that Israel’s restrictions on imports had delayed the arrival of the special treats. The attendees had to make do with local candies and pastries.
Imam Awil Qildemal told reporters his flock voiced anger and frustration at the incident, since they had anticipated receiving several crates of imported delicacies from Turkey to celebrate 9/11, but bureaucratic and technical issues at the Kerem Shalom crossing prevented timely arrival of the packages. To prevent the smuggling of weapons, Israel has maintained a naval and land blockade of the Gaza Strip since Hamas took it over from rival Palestinian faction Fatah in 2007 and launched several wars against the Jewish state. Consumer goods may enter the coastal territory, but only through Israel via the Kerem Shalom facility or through Egypt via the Rafah crossing. Egypt keeps Rafah closed much of the time.
“We’re all disappointed, of course, but this is hardly the first time we have suffered oppressive deprivation,” stated Qildemal. “Many of us have learned to take such setbacks in stride, but for most of us, this serves at one more piece of motivation to drive the pigs off of our land.” No members of Qildemal’s mosque have ever lived in what is now Israel, though most have ancestors who fled from there at the urging of Arab leaders who promised they could return following the quick victory over the Jews that Arabs anticipated in 1948. Instead the Jews prevailed and established Israel, leaving those who left under Egyptian rule until 1967, when Israel again foiled Arab plans to wipe her out, and took control of territories held by Jordan, Syria, and Egypt, including the Gaza Strip. Israel dismantled Jewish settlements and removed its military presence from the territory in 2005.
“I wanted to relive the moments we heard the news on September 11, 2001,” lamented mosque attendee Albiyeh Masqilr. “I took my little son on my shoulders and danced in the streets as people threw candy and gave out sweet pastries. It was a magical time, one of the last times I was truly happy. That was before I lost two children in a ‘work accident’ as I prepared explosives. I just want to experience the way things were in that brief moment of perfection, before the Jews took it all away from me.”