Word Prompt – MUSSAR – Chaya Sima Koenigsberg

A rabbi once confided to me that if he would merely use his pulpit to mussar his congregation he would barely have to prepare for his derashot. Finding flaws and giving mussar is easy, as flaws are in constant supply and there is always room for growth. But not every congregant wants or is prepared to hear it.

The word mussar takes me back to the uncomfortable moments from childhood when I was on the receiving end of rebuke, and the equally difficult moments when now as an adult, as the teacher or the parent, it is my responsibility to be on the giving end. While some find it easy to reprimand, chastising others is not my strength.

Instead, as a young parent, I read every book on how to parent with positive motivation. I was so bought-in, I questioned how Hashem could punish us with Galut and its curses. Isn’t He the ultimate parent? Could Israel not be motivated back to the proper path purely through positive reinforcement? Live and learn. My children and students quickly taught me the necessity of a firm guiding hand, the need for tough conversations, and the role of constructive criticism. Sometimes mussar is the greatest motivator. What I didn’t appreciate as a child, is that proper mussar comes from a place of love and true care about another’s long term well-being. It is not meant to break but to build.