Chavi Kestenbaum--Mother-in-law/Daughter-in-law: Friend or Foe

Chavi Kestenbaum is a registered nurse and psychotherapist. She is also a certified mastery coach from the Dina Freedman Academy. Chavi specializes in facilitating communication and harmony in family relationships. She also guides mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law through conflict resolution. Chavi radiates positivity to those around her, which helps her clients tap into and access the inherent love within themselves.

In our conversation, Chavi talks about the role of the mother-in-law, and encourages her to embrace her daughter-in-law completely, EVEN if she is not whom the mother-in-law would have chosen for her son. As the mature adult, the mother-in-law needs to learn to deal with her feelings and emotions separately (maybe speaking to a friend, a therapist, or a mentor), and then approach her daughter-in-law in a loving way to establish open communication. It's the mother-in-law who sets the tone for the relationship. She needs to give space and boundaries for her daughter-in-law to approach her (or not.) She needs to make her daughter-in-law feel comfortable.

The daughter-in-law needs to be respectful to her mother-in-law. She needs to drop all the negative mother-in-law stereotypes and also establish open communication. Chavi encourages daughters-in-law to be curious about their mother-in-law, and get to know her for who she is--she may actually be a very kind and loving person.

Overall, it's important to note that if someone is acting mean, cold, or aloof, don't take it personally. Quite often mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law have their own pain and struggles that the other doesn't know about, and although those their actions toward each other might be negative, it's not personal. The key is to establish open communication and to speak with each other in a respectful tone and a lot of understanding.

Chavi can be reached by email at kest@rogers.com