Chronicles of Crises

Dear Mrs. Bluth,

I simply can't understand what I'm doing wrong!!! I've read up almost every article, sat in on almost every group dealing with my problem and even gone to several therapists in the field of social relations, all to no avail. I am, at this juncture, monetarily deficient, emotionally depleted and ready to give up entirely to live a hermetic life style. You are my last endeavor and hope for a solution before I throw in the proverbial "towel?"

Where to start? I am a forty-six-year-old male, who has a steady job with a reputable company and makes a good salary which affords me the luxury to travel, live in a nice apartment in the heart of the city as well as other small niceties. I am also very adept at saving my money and not squander it on anything other than necessities. Here's where I run into my problem. I can't seem to get a second date with almost any woman after I've taken her out, shown her a good time (dinner in a nice local restaurant, opening up to her about myself, my childhood and how far I have come in life, divulging my dreams and expectations for the future and almost always seem to be the one carrying the conversation). Still, it almost always ends with the first date.

I am still a good looking, well-groomed guy (I'm told), I keep in shape going to the gym regularly, dress well and never leave the house without a spritz of expensive cologne. So why am I now getting dates with women who look like my mother? I Have almost exhausted all the reputable dating services, my friends have given up on me and are no longer interested in hanging with, me so my pickings have gone from none to zero and I'm sort of getting tired of my own company.

Last week I had an appointment with my doctor for a well visit and he noticed my sad demeanor and asked me how my life was going. *Dr. Hirsh suggested that I write to you, as you had helped him out of a similar situation years ago. But I'm not Jewish I told him and he said my problem does not have anything to do with religion, it's a human, social problem. So, I took him on his word and here I am. You're my last hope so please do for me what you did for *Dr. Hirsh.

Thanking you in advance,

Leonard

Dear Friend,

First, allow me to thank you for holding me in such high esteem and tell *Dr. Hirsh I do indeed remember him and that I hope and pray his mother did not follow through on her threats to jump off the bridge if he didn't soon find a life partner. I personally think she was the catalyst to bring this about, not I.

So here we are with the problem that has nothing to do with religion, race or redemption. You may not like what you read as I break down for you the barriers you have set up for yourself that have stunted your ability to see others in the same light you see yourself. If I am your last train stop before the choo-choo train goes off the cliff, pay close attention, and then put in the effort to change all your misconceptions. So, here we go to fixing what's broken.

A date is comprised of two people, most often one male and one female meeting for the first time. It is wise for the young man to get an idea of what the young woman likes to do, where she enjoys going so the conversation between the two will flow easily and relaxed and questions back and forth between the two will shed light on their likes and dislikes answering to whether they are compatible. Thus, at the end of the evening you both will know if investing in a second date is in the cards. This is where you got into trouble.

Also, what stands out most markedly and runs through almost every line of your letter, is that ''me, myself, and I'' complex. Have the grace of putting your date first and give her expectations, wants and dreams that are before your own, a courtesy that will show you respect her and she may well reward you with a desire for a second or third date.

Wishing you well and, hopefully. success leading to a happy future if you take this advice.... just please, don't tell *DR. HIRSH's MOTHER!!