Kvetch: Webster says this means to complain habitually, to gripe. It is interesting to note that the word “complaint” is also used for a formal court filing alleging wrongdoing. To kvetch is to assert that something has gone wrong and someone is at fault. The Jewish people are no strangers to complaining. We are a very legalistic people, which can have its good and bad sides. The good of being legalistic is that it (hopefully) regulates our behavior in a positive manner. The downside is that we are often quick to look for who is at fault. We may blame our neighbor, spouse, or rabbi. We may even blame Hashem – perhaps not directly, but when we kvetch about the unfairness of life, the Universe, our fate, isn’t that what we are in essence doing?
The truth is no one likes a complainer. To hear constant complaints drains emotional energy and makes the listener feel bad. So, what is the alternative if you are in pain? I suggest two things. One is to give gratitude at least equal time. Sure, there are things to complain about. But if you are going to complain, make sure you also say things that you are grateful for. Perhaps a gratitude journal could help in this regard. The second thing is that if you are in pain, it’s fine and emotionally healthy to express it. Reach out to someone. Seek a sympathetic ear. Talk to them. Perhaps cry. Let it out and then encourage yourself to find something beautiful, productive or uplifting to focus on. Doing these things will make you feel so much better than complaining.