Clock Me

Dear Dating Decoded,

I am dating someone I really like. He is kind and smart and we seem to be on the same page. We connect really well, and I feel like we want the same things. The problem is, he is always late. Not occasionally late. Not “traffic was crazy” late. Perpetually, consistently, late. Every single time. It is starting to really bother me, and I am wondering if I should take this more seriously. Am I making too much of it, or is his lateness something I should be paying attention to?

Time Travel

Dear Time,

You are walking on the beach, and you notice something shiny sticking out of the sand. Naturally, your brain immediately goes, TREASURE. You start digging. Just a little. Then you dig some more. Now you are fully committed. You crouch over the sand like an archaeologist who has just received the most important assignment of her career. Strangers are walking by wondering whether you are looking for buried pirate gold or simply having a complete emotional breakdown on the beach. And yet you keep digging, because at this point you have invested too much to stop. Your original casual beach stroll has somehow turned into a full-scale excavation project, and you are thinking, I have come this far. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS DOWN THERE. So, you dig… until you find it.

I May Always Be Late. But At Least I am Consistent.

He is late every single time. Of course you need to take notice. Lateness can be nothing more than a personality quirk and a terrible relationship with the concept of time. But it can also sometimes point to bigger issues: disorganization, poor planning, lack of consideration, or difficulty following through. You don’t have to label it a character flaw, but you also don’t have to dismiss something that genuinely bothers you just because you really like him.

Instead, look at the pattern surrounding the lateness, not just the lateness itself. Is he otherwise responsible and thoughtful? When you tell him it bothers you, does he make an effort to improve? Most importantly, does he take responsibility for it, or does he simply expect everyone around him to adjust? You can take note of his commitment to his learning or work and the level of responsibility he is able to manage every day. Those behaviors will tell you much more about him than the number of minutes on the clock.

Once you’ve done that, you will be in a much better position to decide what this really means. Maybe you will discover that he is simply a wonderful guy who has absolutely no idea how long it takes to do anything and needs to start leaving the house approximately three business days earlier. Or maybe you’ll discover that the lateness is connected to a broader pattern that doesn’t work for you. Either way, you’ll be making your decision based on what you have actually learned, rather than either ignoring the issue or turning it into a five-alarm character crisis. Just make sure you’re digging for information, not looking for reasons to convince yourself that something wonderful can’t possibly be wonderful.