Elul Strategies

As we get closer and closer to Rosh Hashanah, the day that our fate and the fates of our loved ones are decided, I would like to share with my dear readers some vital, lifesaving strategies.

The Orchos Chaim l’HaRav Luniel, zt”l, zy”a, makes the following stupendous statement, “Harotzeh l’harich yomim, hevei marbeh b’achim v’rei’im – If someone wants to lengthen his days, let him increase his relatives and friends.” The idea behind this is that Hashem will not take someone away from this world, even if they don’t deserve to be here, if they are very needed by someone else. Thus, it says by Nadav and Avihu who were Divinely executed for a sin in the Mishkan that, if they had been married or if they had had children, they would not have died since fulfilling their wife’s needs or their children’s needs would have saved them.

It is therefore imperative, as we approach Rosh Hashanah, to ask ourselves, “Am I a worthy eizer / helper to my husband?” “Do I fulfill v’simach es ishto / making my wife happy?” Successfully carrying out these actions could literally be a matter of life and death. Similarly, are we a support and a presence in the lives of our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren? The Chasam Sofer, zt”l, zy”a, cites the verse, “V’hosircha Hashem b’fri bit’n’cha – And Hashem will give you additions because of the fruit of your womb.” He interprets this to mean, “If we make ourselves useful to our descendants, Hashem will keep us around longer because of this.”

The same thing is obviously true when we are a source of support, comfort, and joy to our elderly parents. When we go out of our way to be there for them, even when it is time consuming and difficult, we protect ourselves with the Divine assurance of, “L’ma’an yarichun yomecha – In order that you should prolong your life.” There are many examples of making ourselves needed, such as when we are a source of solace and strength to a lonely widow, widower or divorcé, when we are thoughtful, patient, and empathetic with a person going through a divorce, or encouraging and inspiring to an older single.

Remember the Golden Rule: Hashem doesn’t take someone away when they are needed.

Another important strategy, as we start intensifying our prayers with the saying of Selichos, is to remember that if our mouths are sullied by lashon hara / sinful gossip, ona’as devarim / hurtful words, or nival peh / vulgarities, that same mouth cannot possibly be effective in petitioning Hashem for one’s needs.

Yet another important consideration is that, at this time of the year, we approach Hashem with a posture of brokenness and humility, knowing full well the litany of vices and shortcomings that we have tallied during the previous year. Since we approach Hashem like a poor man begging for mercy, it behooves us to beef up our tzedakah output until, “It hurts,” as Rav Moshe Wolfson, zt”l, zy”a, would say. In that way, measure for measure, may Hashem shower us with His beneficence although we are unworthy.

Of course, the greatest merit of all is adding to our Torah study budget. As we all know, “Talmud Torah k’neged kulom – The learning of Torah equals the sum of all other mitzvos put together.” The Gemara teaches us categorically that Torah is, “Meigan u’matzlei – It shields and It saves.” What better way to ask for a new year than to show Hashem that we want to use our time to learn Torah? For Torah is the very reason that Hashem created the world. As it says, “Bereishis bara Elokim,” and Rashi says, “Bishvil haTorah shenikreis Reishis – [That G-d created the world] for the Torah, which is called Reishis.”

If we are fulfilling Hashem’s plan, then He will certainly want to keep us around.

May we be successful with these strategies and in their merit may Hashem bless us with long life, good health, and everything wonderful.

My wife, Shoshy Weiss, LCSW-R, is offering an exciting Zoom opportunity called, “IFS (Internal Family Systems) Inner Circle.” This Zoom group, for women only, will be a safe and secure place for authentic sharing, connection, and growth through the IFS method. This group will be limited to 7 participants so it will be an intimate and productive program. We will begin after Sukkos (date/day/time TBD), and sessions will be weekly for 75 minutes. Registration is now open. For more information and to see the full ad, call/text 845-270-3699 or visit ShoshyWeissIFSTherapist.com.

Transcribed and edited by Shelley Zeitlin.