Giving Up Hope on Getting Married?

Dear Im Yirtzeh Hashem,

I wanted to share an experience that I think your readers would appreciate and that may uplift those who are struggling with being single. As a disclaimer, I have changed some of the details of the story to protect the privacy of my acquaintance.

Yomim Tovim can be especially difficult for singles. For years, your column has discussed this topic at length, which, in my humble opinion, speaks directly to the many singles out there who are struggling. Married people are busy with their families, whether they are arranging to go away to their parents or in-laws, inviting family to their homes, or, once they are past that stage, arranging to spend Yom Tov with their children.

Recently, an older single whom I have known for as long as I can remember finally got married. Throughout the many decades of being single, this person went out on countless dates. For whatever reason, however, none of them resulted in marriage.

I know of other singles who, after a decade or two, gave up. Some stopped dating completely, while others rarely dated and did so mostly to appear socially normal. Deep down, they had given up on the possibility of ever getting married. Unfortunately, family, friends, and acquaintances sometimes share that feeling and begin to think that the person is never going to get married.

I myself got married later in life, and I remember how unpleasant it was when some people around me admitted that they had thought I was never going to move forward and settle down. Many times, being single is not a person's fault. Every person has his or her own time and place, whether we understand it or not. Ultimately, that is the truth.

Back to my acquaintance's story.

This person had been single for many decades and always tried to remain positive, even as all of our good friends got married and started families of their own. Time continued to pass, and eventually many of our peers began marrying off their children.

Throughout all of this, my friend continued to date and tried to maintain a positive attitude, even when the situation looked incredibly bleak. I always wondered how this person had the ability to look past the circumstances and remain so positive. I tried to put myself in their shoes, but I honestly could not understand how they managed to keep going with such hope and optimism.

A major force in my friend's life was spirituality. The numerous tefillos, segulos, tzedakah, berachos from gedolim, and other zechuyos were too numerous to mention. The constant chessed this person was involved in could fill an entire book.

Then, this past year, a miracle of miracles happened: the bashert was finally found.

It was a perfect match – and the most amazing part was that the person lived only a few blocks away. Think about all the places my friend had traveled to over the years in the hope of finding their bashert, only to ultimately marry someone from the same zip code.

Going to the wedding was such a joyous occasion. Everyone was incredibly happy, and it truly was a night to remember.

What struck me, and ultimately inspired me to write this, was something I happened to overhear at the wedding. The couple was giving chizzuk to someone who was still single.

They told this person, "Never give up hope, even when those around you have."

Every tefillah has its destination. Sometimes we are answered right away, and other times we may not see the outcome for many years to come.

The kallah was explaining that she had said the same tefillos on Rosh Hashanah year after year, just as she had every other year. But this past Rosh Hashanah was the one that ultimately pushed her over the threshold – from being single to getting married.

Even though she had always tried to have emunah and bitachon, she herself never would have dreamed that this year would be her last year as a single person.

Now, as we are about to come before the Master of the Universe in judgment, I want to share that message with everyone:

DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE!

Your tefillos – whether they come from the single person themselves or from family and friends – count. They are heard. They are needed.

We never know which tefillah will be the one that brings his/her yeshuah. Hashem loves each and every single one of us and is waiting to send us what we need. Let us all take this time of yemei ratzon to beseech our father and king and everyone what they need.

Wishing you and your readers a kesivah vachasima tova. I truly hope that this story will uplift and give comfort to those who are still in the parsha, as well as to anyone who knows someone close to them who is.

Sincerely,
Anonymous