June 26, 2026 Categories: Parsha
How Sweet Isn’t Revenge
The Gemara teaches us, “Smuchin min HaTorah.” There is significance when two subjects are juxtaposed by Hashem in our Torah. The Birchas Ish therefore wonders why the laws not to take revenge and not to bear a grudge are juxtaposed with the chukim/statutes that prohibit cross-breeding animals and the wearing of shatnez, a mixture of wool and linen. He gives a fascinating answer by first citing the Chinuch’s explanation concerning the transgression of revenge. The Chinuch, the renowned master of the mitzvos, wonders how is it possible that, if someone causes us to lose our job, disrupts a marriage or wrecks a shidduch, that we should not seek revenge or even nurse a grudge. He explains that, if we have the proper Torah hashkafa, any wrong that occurs to us can only transpire because of our own faults. If that is the case, we will realize that we only have ourselves to blame for what happened. The job was lost or the shidduch wrecked because of our sins and not because of the person who did it. He was only Hashem’s agent but not the cause of why it happened. This helps us to shift our anger away from the person who actually activated the problem.
With this, explains the Birchas Ish, we understand the proximity of the prohibition of revenge to the chukim of shatnez and the like. For as Rashi explains, we do the chukim since they are gezeiras HaMelech, the decrees of Hashem. This means that even though chukim are beyond our understanding, such as why we cannot have linen threads under our woolen collars or why it is forbidden to cross breed animals, we nevertheless abhor these acts. Similarly, if we understand that the wrongs others did to us are really gezeiras HaMelech, it will greatly lessen our animosity toward the perpetrators who set the havoc in motion.
Yosef HaTzaddik exhibits this way of thinking. His brothers lowered him naked into a pit of snakes and scorpions and mercilessly ignored his cries for compassion. Then they added fuel to the fire when they sold him into what seemed to be perpetual slavery. Still, twenty-two years later, Yosef refused to take revenge when he was the powerful viceroy of Egypt. Instead, he treated them lovingly – explaining to them, “Lo atem shlachtem osi ki Ha Elokim – You didn’t send me here, rather Hashem did,” so that, “Ki l’michya,” there would be through me a source of life for the entire family. Yosef is expressing the Chinuch’s concept here. It would be wrong for me to harbor hatred toward you, my brothers, since it is clear that it was all Hashem’s orchestration.
The Chofetz Chaim adds another profound insight into the prohibition concerning revenge. He advises us to reflect on how many times and how often we anger Hashem. Think about the times we stand in front of Him in our Shemone Esrei and have the gall to daydream and simply mumble the words quickly, without any concentration whatsoever. Or, what about the fact that Hashem created us primarily to learn Torah and yet we can go many days without even opening up a sefer. Or, how about the fact that Hashem tells us that the most heinous crime possible is to speak lashon hara, sinful gossip, and yet many of us carry on forbidden conversations with a casualness that must infuriate Hashem. Nevertheless, He continues to give us life and supply us with all of our needs. Therefore, concludes the Chofetz Chaim in the sefer Ahavas Chesed, we should behave similarly and care for, without interruption, even those who behave improperly toward us.
We should be especially mindful of this Torah attitude when it comes to our behavior with our spouse. It is natural to engage in a tit-for-tat relationship. If a wife sends off her husband in the morning with the “cold treatment,” he might respond negatively to her requests for help later in the evening. If he snaps at her sarcastically or irritably, her sweet side goes into hibernation later on. While this is “natural” behavior, the Chofetz Chaim teaches us that this is not Torah behavior. Rather, we should emulate Hashem, Who lovingly and wonderfully continues to care for us even when we behave poorly to Him. Concludes the Chofetz Chaim, this is why the posuk says, "V’ahavtah l’rei’acha k’mocha, Ani Hashem – Love your fellow like yourself for I am Hashem,” which he explains to mean, “Behave like Me; Just as I continue to show love even when it is undeserved, so you should do the same.”
May it be the will of Hashem that in the merit of our living up to these lofty Torah ideals, we should be blessed with long life, good health, and everything wonderful.
Transcribed and edited by Shelley Zeitlin.
