Summer!

Dear Dating Coach,

I have been dating for a few months, and it feels like the summer is going to be completely stagnant. Every shadchan I’ve spoken to says that so many boys are away, in camp, traveling, or simply unavailable, and that things don’t really pick up again until after the summer. It feels like I’m supposed to just… wait. How can I make this time productive so it doesn’t feel like I’m putting my life on hold?

Summer Single

Dear Summer,

Have you ever sat in the school carpool line and thought, “This is it. This is where my youth ends.” The line hasn’t moved in twelve minutes, you’ve listened to the same song three times, you’ve memorized every bumper sticker in front of you, and you’re seriously considering whether now is a good time to reorganize your glove compartment. Maybe answer emails. Maybe learn conversational Italian. Maybe finally figure out what that mysterious button on your dashboard does. (Actually… don’t push random buttons.) You briefly wonder if this is enough time to make coffee, but decide against abandoning the car. So instead, you sit. You breathe. You call your mother. You enjoy five uninterrupted minutes where nobody needs anything from you. Sometimes the waiting isn’t the interruption; it’s the opportunity.

Don’t Wait for Opportunity. Create Opportunity.

I completely understand why this feels frustrating. When you’re dating with the goal of getting married, every month feels significant. It can seem like everyone has collectively pressed “pause” on your future while the calendar flips through July and August. There’s a worry that you’re losing momentum, that everyone else is moving forward while you’re standing still, and that precious time is slipping away. Those feelings are real, and they’re understandable. Nobody likes feeling as though their life is on hold.

But what if this season isn’t a pause at all? What if it’s preparation? Use these weeks to become even more of the person you hope to bring into a marriage. Read books that help you grow. Take a class you’ve always wanted to take. Travel if you can. Spend meaningful time with family and friends. Develop hobbies, strengthen your relationship with Hashem, volunteer, exercise, or simply recharge. A happy, fulfilled person doesn’t just become a better spouse one day; they become a better dater today. And don’t disappear from the world just because the dating schedule slows down. Accept Shabbos invitations. Visit friends in camp or upstate. Go to community events. Meet new people. You never know who you’ll sit next to at a Shabbos table, who you’ll bump into at a barbecue, or who will say, “You know… I think I know someone you’d really like.” Some of the best shidduchim begin in the most unexpected ways.

Summer may feel slower, but slower doesn’t mean wasted. Sometimes the quiet seasons are where the most meaningful growth happens, and when dating picks up again, you’ll be bringing an even stronger, happier, more grounded version of yourself into every first date.