The Final Curtain

Dear Dating Coach,

I’ve been dating for a while now, and I’m finding it really hard. I’m trying so hard to stay positive and believe that the right person is out there for me, but honestly, it’s getting disheartening. My younger sibling just got engaged and that has been hard. My two closest friends are married. I go on dates, I put myself out there, and yet I still haven’t found the person who feels right. I want to have faith and keep a positive attitude, but some days I’m just tired of trying. How do I keep going without feeling like I’m falling behind?

Dating Slump

Dear Slump,

Imagine being handed a map and being told to find your destination, except someone has thoughtfully torn off about 90 percent of it. You are left holding a tiny corner with one road, half a tree, a mysterious body of water, and a giant X that may or may not have anything to do with where you are actually going. You start walking and immediately encounter a detour. Then a dead end. Then another road that looks promising but somehow leads directly into a swamp. Meanwhile, the person next to you seems to have a beautifully laminated, color coded, GPS enabled map and is already halfway there. Very helpful. The tiny portion of the map in front of us makes every obstacle feel enormous. We can’t see what’s beyond the bend, which road will eventually open up, or how all those seemingly random turns will connect. We are judging the entire journey based on the three inches of map currently in our hands.

Moving Forward

First, dating can be hard. When you want something deeply and it isn’t happening as quickly as you hoped, it can hurt. It is especially difficult when it seems like everyone around you is moving forward while you are standing still. But you are not standing still, and you are certainly not falling behind. Remind yourself that there is a time for everything, and every person has their own time. There is no finish line in life and no one can beat you to the person you were meant to meet. Your friend’s engagement is not taking anything away from your future. Someone else’s timeline does not make yours late. There is no race. There is only your path, and your job is to keep walking it with emunah, purpose, and hope.

And while you wait, keep becoming the best version of yourself. Take pride in how you present yourself and take care of your appearance. Not because you need to become someone else, but because you deserve to feel confident and put together. Work on your middos, your emotional growth, your communication, and your strengths. Build a life that feels meaningful right now.

Get involved in your community. Help someone. Volunteer. Nurture your friendships and family relationships. Develop interests, learn something new, and make sure your life is full even before a relationship enters it. Dating should be part of your life, not the entirety of it. And when you have a disappointing date, allow yourself to feel disappointed and then keep going. One no is not a statement about your worth, and one difficult season does not predict your future.

After having the privilege of writing Dating Decoded, I want to say how deeply honored I have been to share this space with you. Thank you for trusting me with your questions, your struggles, your heartbreaks, and your hopes. If there is one thing I hope you take with you, it is this: you are exactly where you need to be right now. Keep growing. Keep living. Keep showing up. Keep believing that your path has purpose, even when you cannot yet see where it is leading.

And when the time is right, I hope you look back and realize that the road you worried about, the turns you questioned, and even the detours you never understood were all part of getting you where you were meant to go.

With so much warmth and faith in you,

Henni Halberstam