July 3, 2026 Categories: Features / Parenting Our Children
What Are You Feeling?
Pia Mellody, a prominent psychologist as well as celebrated author of multiple books including Facing Codependence, writes about the eight basic emotions that people feel. When we can identify the feelings we are experiencing, we can move forward in dealing with them. For instance, if you are feeling overwhelmed by all that you need to do, you are likely feeling fear, and in that case, once you become aware of that emotion, you are able to address it.
Consider the chart below with the eight basic emotions that Mellody has identified. She additionally includes the related feelings (like frustration when you are angry), the related gifts (like growth when you feel pain), and the physical manifestations of those emotions in our body (like a gnawing sensation when you feel guilt).
Emotion: Anger
Related feelings: Frustration, Resentment, Irritation
Related Gifts: Assertiveness, Strength, Energy
Physical Manifestations: Power, Energy
Emotion: Fear
Related feelings: Apprehensive, Overwhelmed, Threatened
Related Gifts: Preservation, Wisdom, Protection
Physical Manifestations: Suffocation
Emotion: Pain
Related feelings: Hurt, Pity, Sad, Lonely
Related Gifts: Healing, Growth, Awareness
Physical Manifestations: Hurting
Emotion: Joy
Related feelings: Happy, Elated, Hopeful
Related Gifts: Abundance, Happiness, Gratitude
Physical Manifestations: Lightness
Emotion: Passion
Related feelings: Enthusiasm, Desire, Zest
Related Gifts: Appetite, Energy, Excitement
Physical Manifestations: Recharged, Spontaneous
Emotion: Love
Related feelings: Affection, Tenderness, Compassion, Warmth
Related Gifts: Connection, Life, Spirituality
Physical Manifestations: Warmth
Emotion: Shame
Related feelings: Embarrassed, Humble
Related Gifts: Humility, Containment, Humanity
Physical Manifestations: Hot, Red
Emotion: Guilt
Related feelings: Regretful, Contrite, Remorseful
Related Gifts: Values, Amends, Containment
Physical Manifestations: Gnawing sensation
So, how can this list actually help you? There are two important ways that this chart can guide you when dealing with strong emotions: awareness and harnessing the power of the emotions.
Awareness is Strength
Sometimes it is hard to name what you are feeling. Suddenly, you feel hot. You feel a bit of a burning session in your chest and on your neck. You can open a window to cool off, but you might not actually be addressing where that physical manifestation is coming from. Are you in the middle of a discussion that is making you feel shame? Are you embarrassed about an action you took or something that you said? Taking a moment to reflect on where that heat is coming from (whether it is internal or external) can help you become aware the feelings that you are experiencing. And, when you aware of those feelings, you are better able to address them.Harnessing the Power of Emotions
Emotions are often big and scary, even the positive ones. When you feel strong joy or anger, those feelings can often make you feel out of control. Your first response might be to squash those feelings in order to regain control. Instead, once you have an awareness of what you are feeling, you can harness the power of those big emotions to reap the benefits of those emotions. What does that look like? With anger, it is easy to understand that you gain energy – your heart is racing and your fists are clenched. You are in the midst of an adrenaline rush. Instead of channeling that anger into the thing that is making you angry, use that strength for something positive. Do some physical activity or start a project you’ve been pushing off for a while.* * * * *
Are there more than eight emotions? Of course. Would some people have different categories of the eight basic emotions? Definitely. There’s no absolute right or wrong when it comes to emotions. The key is to recognize what you are experiencing and then to figure out how to make good things happen from those big feelings.
