Camp Time

Dear Dating Coach,

I’m dating an amazing girl who’s a head counselor at a camp this summer. I know her days are packed, so I understand why she’s not always available, but lately, our conversations have become shorter and less frequent. I can’t tell if it’s just camp or if she’s quietly losing interest. How do I know the difference without pushing too hard?

Giving Chase

Dear Chase,

A few weeks ago, a tourist walked up to me, pointed down the street, and asked, “Beach?” I enthusiastically launched into detailed directions. “Go three blocks, turn left at the light, cross the street, you’ll pass a café….” They nodded politely through the entire speech. When I finally finished, they smiled, shrugged, and repeated, “Beach?” That’s when I realized they didn’t speak a word of English. We both walked away convinced we had communicated. They still had no idea where the beach was, and I had just delivered the world’s most useless TED Talk.

The Biggest Problem with Communication…

Of course you are feeling uneasy. When you’re the one reaching out, waiting, wondering, and getting only brief replies or delayed responses, it’s hard not to question what it means. Even if you know she’s busy, your mind naturally starts filling in the blanks. You don’t want to be the person who keeps chasing someone who’s no longer interested, and that uncertainty can be much harder than hearing a clear answer either way.

Is the Illusion It Has Taken Place.

Before assuming the worst, remember that camp isn’t normal life. A head counselor’s day is often nonstop from early morning until late at night, filled with responsibility, problem-solving, and taking care of everyone else. Someone can genuinely be excited about a relationship and still have very little emotional bandwidth left at the end of the day. A change in communication during camp doesn’t automatically mean a change in feelings.

The healthiest approach is simple and honest. Instead of trying to decode every text or counting how long it takes her to reply, tell her what you’re thinking. Next time you talk, just tell her that you know camp is incredibly busy, and you don’t want to add pressure. You just want to check in because you are really enjoying getting to know her and are not sure if the change in communication was just camp or if she is feeling differently. That gives her room to reassure you without feeling accused. Good relationships aren’t built on guessing games. They are built on giving each other the chance to explain what’s really going on, calmly and clearly. (And preferably in the language she speaks!)